Bad Ideas

I mentioned in an earlier post I mentioned going for a drink with a guy, Litt. I keep mulling it over in my head and can't help but wonder if it is a bad idea. I really don't want a repeat performance of last year, and he reminds me enough of that ex to make me think letting him back into my life could turn this into 2010 all over again, and I only just got through it the first time round! I can either cancel or give him a chance, it's been a while, and it's not fair to assume that he's gong to come on to me, and if he does all I have to do is walk out.

Fyn still hasn't told his parents that I'm living with him. Bad huh? I know that his Mum doesn't really like me, but it's really about time he told them. As it stands I have to make it look like I don't live there every time they come over. Which is why I am spending tonight with my mum and not going home. Doesn't feel much like a home when I have to do things like that. Reminds me of my ex again, I feel like I'm just some dirty little secret.

Spirit

Going Away

Well I'm off to my family's tomorrow for Christmas, so I guess this will be my last post until maybe new year, maybe I'll manage to post something just before then.

It's been quite a year for me, a lot has happened, I met Fyn six months ago and one whirlwind romance and an engagement later I am living in a whole other part of London. But before that was those months of being single, managing to sleep with three different people in the space of a week, Discovering that I am a lot stronger both mentally and physically than I ever believed myself to be. And most importantly of all, that I did need to quit drinking, and I actually did!

I've met a lot of amazing people, and said goodbye to a few as well. I've suffered time wasters, weird and wankey stalker type people. Yes it has definately been an eventful year, hopefully this one will be too, but this time for all the right reasons. My new years resolution (I've actually kept them in the past, so why not try and do it again) is to start saving for this wedding. Although we probably might want to look for an engagement ring first!

There shall be more kinky stories and adventures from me very soon!

Well I think that's it from me, except to say merry christmas, yule or whatever it is you celebrate and a happy new year. I hope you all have a wonderful 2011!

Spirit

The Past Comes Back

So in my window shopping yesterday I saw a couple of familiar faces. One of them was someone who looked after me a long time ago when I was in a really bad head space, but then he confessed he wanted more and I didn't want a relationship at the time. About two months later I met Fyn. He also would have wanted me to make a few physical changes, and I was not ok with making them. Anyway we hadn't spoken since then, until yesterday. He sent me a message saying hi, and that he was glad I had met someone. So we're having a drink in the new year and catching up. Usually when someone from my past comes back I end up wanting to run a million miles an hour in tight shoes to get away from it. but I'm looking forward to seeing him. Now I've said that I have a horrible feeling that this is a bad idea.

Window Shopping

But not as we know it!

I usually spend my weekend mornings alone while Fyn catches up on sleep. He should be getting up pretty soon. So I spend my mornings watching trash TV listening to music, and this morning I was on one or two bDSM sites. I'm not looking for anyone to play with right now, but I found myself looking at who out there is. Turns out that one of my ex's in now seeing someone. Would be the one I can't stand. I mentioned him in a previous blog a long time ago. And all my awesome, lovely ex's are single. And I must say, I am very glad that I have Fyn as there is no one out there who even remotely grabbed my attention.

Guess I love that man more than even I realised!

On Subbing

So I have gone from being the Mistress to being the sub again. I should be happy right? After all I was feeling the urge to sub again. But while I'm not unhappy about it, I'm not exactly happy either. I am all too stubborn and headstrong for my own good, and as a result subbing has never sat easy with me. But at the same time, domming has never sat particularly easily with me either. Last night I fucked someone in my dream, and it was amazing, yet it was also totally vanilla. But if I have a vanilla relationship I grow bored and miss the kink in no time at all.

I guess with me it is all or nothing. If I am going to subI have to go the whole nine yeards and have the 24/7 relationship. Yet I have not found someone who could give me that. And when I did many years ago now, I ended up domming him too. Then it was like the spell was broken and we could never go back to the way we were. Fyn is not a 24/7 type person, and I'd never ask him to be. You can't make someone into something they are not. Many people have tried to do that with me. Like those people that dated me and wanted to change so many things about my physical apperance. You knew what I looked like when we met.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Spirit

Another Day And Fantasies

Fyn is asleep in bed still, I gave him a wank and he fell asleep again, so I have got up, made myself a coffee and am watching another old comedy. Much like I do every Saturday morning. Both of us have been working late most of this week. But I didn't have any jobs the end of the week so I caught up on my sleep.

As we aren't spending Christmas together (I'm off to my family's and he's off to his) so we're exchanging pressies tomorrow. I got him a flogger and some books. He's going out today for my pressie. If he ever actually gets out of bed.

Anyway, I believe it was Jo Brand that once said "A man fantasises about someone else, a woman fantasises about anyone else." And I must confess I have been, but then I don't think I have ever fantasised about a partner. If I have I don't remember. My latest one is acharacter from a TV programme. I know it's perfectly normal and I don't feel guilty. So hopefully it'll be a quiet night in with Fyn and we can finally have a play and a fuck. It has been a long while.

She's Back!

Well, it's been a while, I've had a lot going on with work, and other such stresses. Fyn is no longer my sub, he has gone back to being my dom. He decided that he preffered only subbing occationally and going back to domming me. But I am allowed to have a girly sub of my own, as long as he can either watch or join in. Personlly I'd rather he watched as if he joins in she kind of stops being my sub. I think part of him just wants a threesome.

Well once I have a story to tell, I shall tell it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Spirit xxx