Non-commital.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while may remember Dak. I went to see him today and a drink as always turned into going back to his to watch DVD's. Last time it resulted in very drunken guilty sex. Now the situation as it stands with Mist is that I have no idea what's going on. His profiles don't say he is seeing anyone, and one in fact says he is still looking. Hmmmm. So fooling around with Dak this time was guilt free. We've been doing this for a while now. On and off. And today was probably the best we've had.

With Dak it's often very violent on both sides. I fight back (not Wolfie type fight back, as bizarrely he really likes Dak) but we have a lot of rough and tumble. In fact the first night we fooled around we totlly trashed his place. But doesn't the best sex usually create a lot of mess. Dak however had heard on the grapevine that I was playing with Mist and we talked about that. He knows my lingering fear of not knowing where I stand with him and that his blog says he is single. So with that in mind we had some very guilt free fooling around. Now I don't let Dak mark me as we are very non-commital. I love him to pieces but I don't have that connection that lets me let go enough to let him leave a single mark on me. But I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.

So lets get down to the dirty. He had been reading some dirty stories of mine lately from another blog I write, and now had an even better idea of what I was into. And for once I didn't go down with a fight. At the end of the DVD he pulled me onto him and we kissed. He started calling me a dirty slut and I was gone. He lifted me off of him and pulled off my jeans and told me to get on all fours and stay there.He slid a finger inside me and I moaned. I was already pretty wet. He has always been very rough with fingering me and I was finding it hard to stay on my hands as they began to shake. My breathing got quicker and the moans got louder. "Remember you aren't allowed to cum." Dammit I knew I shouldn't have told him that. He pulled his fingers out and I gave in and was on my elbows. Dak reminded me of this and I dragged myself up onto my hands again. He told me not to move and then a hand came smacking down onto my arse. I could hear him doing something around me but I didn't think looking up was the best idea. Dak may not be the most sadistic and while he isn't allowed to mark me he's a damn creative man. As I knew from past expeince. He also knows my body insanely well.

I could hear chain behind me and a pair of clovers were clamped down on my labia. His fingers went back inside me and he pulled on the chain. I was squirming and starting to try very hard to keep focused and not just go with it. Not long afterwards his fingers were out of me again and I could hear something going on behind me. I soon found out what it was as I felt the lube hit my skin and covering my arse. A finger slid inside and then another. He was soon fucking both holes and making me beg for more. He likes to make me beg for it. Soon enough his focus was just on streaching my arse as he is not a small boy and he wanted to fuck it. Something he'd never done with me before. He made sure I was nicely lubed and finally slid into my arse, but he's pretty big and it still hurt a little bit but he'd already forced my head into the pillow so I didn't make too much noise. He knows me well enough that he didn't stop or slow down but fucked me ruthelessly ignoring my screams calling me a bitch in heat (never been called that before and I rather liked it) and choked me on the fingers that had been in my cunt not long before. I could smell me on his fingers as he used me. He managed to orgasm before I could leaving me very wet, very turned on. But in keeping with Mist's orgasm ban.

Dak gave me some time to remember how to string a sentance and the caring sweet side was back. We cuddled up as we always do when we hang out. He asked it I was ok and we both cleaned ourselves up a bit. We watched some more junk and then he decided he wanted some more fun. He pulled me close and shoved a finger inside me and then another. I was soon writhing on his fingers and trying so hard to stop myself from orgasm. But his nail scratched me and I started to bleed, we were so wrapped up in the moment that neither of us had noticed as his fingers came out and he started fucking me. I wasn't in any pain (far from it it felt amazing) and it was only when my head came up I noticed the bloody finger marks on the wall. As I was in no pain and I love blood we continued despite better judgement saying I was out of action. The fact that I was so wet made it seem worse than it was and he smeared my bloody over me. But still no orgasm for me.

We chilled out afterwards and once we stopped so did the blood. We also figured it was a good time to call it quits on that department and just relax.We talked some more about Mist, and agreed that if Mist decides he wants to get serious with me Dak and I would stop fucking around. That's what I like about Dak, no strings sex and a great friend. In public people would think we're just two friends. I'm pretty sure he's the best dirty little secret I've ever had. And today was certainly (despite the lack of orgasm) some of the best sex I have ever had! Mist is going to wonder what the hell happened to me when he gets me into bed!

Fear and Lust in London

Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but with less drugs and more sex.

Alright, alright less of the attempts at humor I'll get to the point. I have been talking to Mist this past day or two. He has something planned for me. I don't know any more than the list of things I need to bring. I think I'm going to meet him at a station in a part of London I don't know and he won't tell me any more.

If this was any other person I knew I'd demand some details or I wouldn't go, but I trust him. I trust him completely, he has proven me wrong about even myself. No, that's not right. He hasn't proven me wrong. He's guided me through things I thought I didn't like. And shown me that a bad experince doesn't make them bad things. I'll tell you more when I know more!

Fighting Back

An idea from a conversation between Mist and I.

But as I wrote through this I couldn't decide if Taming the Beast might not be a better title. You decide.

He wanted a challenge, and he certainly got it. She was like a coiled spring her body crouched and slightly bent, her legs bent and the knees and up on her toes. She was ready to meet his next move, matching every movement he made with one of her own. What he found so strange was the way that she moved, it seemed so unnatural yet completely comfortable to her. It was strange to him, he who owned her completely, or so he though. No one owned this side of her. There was a definace in this wild, naked woman. And a challenge in her eyes that dared him to even try and catch her.

He made a grab at her slender arm, and it dissapeared beneath him to be replaced by a sweeping almost claw like hand to his arm. He pulled away, shocked at her speed. But he had one thing that she did not. Strength. And he did not plan to lose to his wild girl. This was his idea and he would always feel like he would never completely own her until he had taken control of this almost inhuman side to her. He took another grab at her, this time for her hair which was trailing wild in her face. But again she was already gone and diving behind him with a bizarre agility. There was nothing graceful or cat like about it, yet it was beautiful in it's own way. She landed behind him on all fours and was diving at his back. But this time he was too quick fer her and he threw her down.

She landed on her shoulder with a grunt and this time was up much slower. She barely managed to miss the kick intended to keep him down and went for him while she had him off balance. The force she piled into him with as she bundled her tiny but powerful body into him sent them both flying and hitting the ground hard. She went into his bare chest with her teeth. She bit down hard enough to taste his blood, and in that moment they both thought she had won. He gathered his thoughts and grabbed her by the hair and throat forcing her away. She swiped out with paw like hands and a wild look in her eye. He threw her away like a broken doll. He glanced grabbed the rope and looked down on her as she pulled herself together. He could see between her legs was slick with her juices. She rose up again but he was prepared. She threw herself at him again, he could tell she was becoming desperate, and tired. He was much bigger and heavier and grabbed her body and threw it down without much of a problem.

She landed on her front and he was on top of her before she could turn, a knee in her back, pinning her once and for all. She still did not give up. Snarling and clawing in a desperate bid to right herself. He grabbed her wild mess of hair and forcing her face down with a force that would later bruise her cheek. One hand went to her head trying to fight off his hand. The other he grabbed and forced behind her back and tying it at the wrist. Using the rope to hold it in place he grabbed the other wrist and forced it back, tying it to the other wrist.

Next was her legs. They had been flailing around but now were completely still. It almost seemed too calm to belong to the deep ragged breaths and growls coming from his captive. He pulled his leg away and she moved as quick as her bonds would allow and was on him, teeth bared and ready to keep going. He struck her across the face knocking her back, but again she came at him. He had more time now, and he grabbed his next length of rope. He forced her down again and sat on her chest, it took a while to tie her legs but eventually with a lot of throwing around had tied her ankles to her thighs. She was bent in an uncomfrtable looking tie still looking up and still full of fire.

He had become as aroused as she, who was now so wet the insides of her thighs were slick with sweat and her juices. He posisioned her with her arse in the air and fucked her. She was exhausted, beaten and broken. He continued to slap and scartch at her skin as she still tried to wrestle and slowly gave in to her captor. He reached his climax and left her there just for a minute. Watching the rise and fall of her body as her breathing became regular again. He untied her and they curled up in each other arms.

Spreading Creativity

At the moment I am having to spread my stories over two places. My super secret blog and with Mist. At first I didn't think that would be a problem, until I read over "The Owner" the other day and would love to have shown him that, and now I am currently writing something for him, and I really wish that I could share it with everyone that reads my blog. Ok inspiration, if you could hit me with something right about now... no? Maybe later then.

Sub Space - A Natter

It's something that came up in conversation with Mist recently. He would rather his partner didn't space out and was there with him expriencing the sensations rather than have gone mentally and physically numb. And it got me to thinking, is that my subspace block? Do I actually like being there in the moment with my partner? Do I want to be able to look into their eyes when haze of pain has faded away and be totally grounded by them?

It would explain a lot, and it is a conversation we keep saying we could sit and have during emails and texts but the conversation never gets around to that. We've normally got better things to do!

Men In My Life

Right, so Mist came over today, and while we were playing made me cry (which is very rare for me) and it felt great. I find it hard to cry as a day to day thing and he is amazing afterwards at holding me and making me feel like I'm indistructable. The only problem is Wolfie. He doesn't see good or bad tears, just tears. Later while giving Mist a blow job I had to fight down Wolfie from coming up and biting him. I was having a great time and I actually really love giving him blow jobs.

My Other Side Is Big, Hairy and Snarley

There's a side of me that does not come out very often. In fact only one person has seen it, and it's a part of me I do not often talk about. I am very into pet play, but there's a snag with me, my animal side is no puppy. It's more a big snarling, slightyly cantankerous, alpha wolf. Oh did I mention also male. Yes the other side of me is as multi faceted as my human side.

"Wolfie" as he is currently known as no one has ever given him a name, and if he has one he isn't telling, has only come into contact with one other person. But before I go into that I guess I should tell you a bit about him. He has been a part of my personality for a good few years now, and occationally likes to come out to play at the worst possible time and I have to surpress him again. Which I hate doing as he never gets to come out to play. Another thing about him is he doesn't like people too much. It's hard to explain, I guess Spirit just fades away and Wolfie comes out to play. I recently had sub drop (trust me to get it over 24 hours after playing when Mist isn't around to cuddle me in the early hours of the morning) and I let Wolfie take over and as I drifted to sleep. He's protective and has already established he is not a fan of Mist (I'm not too surprised, two alpha males, there's bound to be friction.) In fact it was harder the other night to slip away, for once he didn't want to know.

Which leads me onto the time I was domming my ex, we were very close, there were no secrets and I told him about Wolfie. Then one day while I was domming him Wolfie decided that he wanted to come out to play, and Wolfie decided to hunt him. He made a sudden movement and before I could stop him, he pounced and bit my ex. Thankfully I managed to push Wolfie back down and my ex was ok. After a while he became somewhat indifferent to my ex, and even let my ex stroke him.

I never even spoke to Fyn about that side of me, eventually the way things are going with Mist I should probably tell him about it. Trust my animal roleplay side to be a danger to others!