The Joys of Humiliation

So I like... Ok I love humiliation. Especially verbal humiliation. It will get me wet quicker than anything else I know. Recently when I asked sir to humiliate me he asked me how, much past the verbal stuff I drew a complete blank. So I put it to you my wonderful readers, give me some ways that sir can humiliate me!

Giving Up Control, It Felt Like Such a Good Idea

And it genuinely did, and usually I don't regret it, in fact I think it was one of my better moves as I trust sir and he makes me happy. And during sex he always knows the right words to say... This is not helping, as right now I'm one horny little puppy and I know he has had a bad day and don't want to ask him if I can orgasm. Fuck nuggets!

That is all. Feel free to have a giggle about this I almost certainly will tomorrow night when we're together.

Fifty Shades of Grey

Please tell me this is a bad joke. No? I've not been able to read the entire thing myself (even my masochism has it's boundaries and I have limits!) but the few exerts I have heard have made my IQ drop and the more I hear about it the less I like. It is basically from what I have heard a "How to" guide to being a bad and abusive dom. Thus making me thrilled that Sir knows his stuff. (In other news we have decided I really need pushing this weekend and both want to know how bruised my tits can get as my arse just doesn't. No really it doesn't! It used to but recently it decided that it doesn't want to any more. Ironclad was the word sir used. But that's another matter.) So I shall be writing for all those possible "Fifty Shade" refugees that stumble across my blog that are new to our dark, beautiful and slightly twisted little world, a proper how it should be done and how not to do it.

Bruised

Hey, so anyway sorry I didn't post anything sooner, things have been a little crazy round here! Anyway so as you know I was on an orgasm ban. I made it through what felt like the longest three days of my entire life! And every second was worth it. But that was then and this is about yesterday!

Yesterday morning we had an empty flat to enjoy, and what started off with a warm up spanking, then moved onto a very mean wooden paddle brush that I own, then moved onto a super stingy flogger, onto a cane, then back to the brush, an over the knee spanking and finally the cane. Now my pain tolerance has been insanely low, but yesterday just pushed every single button, and most of the beating just did not register of pain, the moans and a wet patch that went down to my knees will contest to that! I have not had a chance to check out how black and blue I am yet, but I'll let you know! I've also rediscovered a huge love for nipple clamps something I was never usually able to take before. But the pain was just... exquisite is the only word for it right now.

I'd write more but I really must dash. Will give you all more of an update later in the week. Take care everyone!

Spirit

New Relationship

I'm taking things slowly with this relationship. I have to after the past couple of years, considering the state my heart has been left in, not to mention my trust (which is still currently non-existent but I am working on that). So anyway, I see him about once, maybe twice a week. But my brain is currently going mad and shouting at me to get out before I get hurt as I am getting rather attached to him, and I promised myself that I wouldn't get attached to anyone for a long time. But here I am slowly giving my control up and dare I say it possibly falling for this one. Well I'm off to go and put my butt plug in and record myself having a wank for him as promised. Damn rules! I'm actually enjoying them.

What the Future Holds

Well I'm out with friends tonight for a couple of drinks, then the day after I'm going away for a few days. I'm staying with a dom I know. He wants to become my master, but I am still not too sure. I'm in no rush after the heartbreak of Mist, who is really treading dangerous ground with me right now. Don't do what you did to a girl and then try to get her back into bed. Not cool! If nothing else I shall have some great stories when I return!

Have a lovely weekend, and I'll update soon.

Non-commital.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while may remember Dak. I went to see him today and a drink as always turned into going back to his to watch DVD's. Last time it resulted in very drunken guilty sex. Now the situation as it stands with Mist is that I have no idea what's going on. His profiles don't say he is seeing anyone, and one in fact says he is still looking. Hmmmm. So fooling around with Dak this time was guilt free. We've been doing this for a while now. On and off. And today was probably the best we've had.

With Dak it's often very violent on both sides. I fight back (not Wolfie type fight back, as bizarrely he really likes Dak) but we have a lot of rough and tumble. In fact the first night we fooled around we totlly trashed his place. But doesn't the best sex usually create a lot of mess. Dak however had heard on the grapevine that I was playing with Mist and we talked about that. He knows my lingering fear of not knowing where I stand with him and that his blog says he is single. So with that in mind we had some very guilt free fooling around. Now I don't let Dak mark me as we are very non-commital. I love him to pieces but I don't have that connection that lets me let go enough to let him leave a single mark on me. But I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.

So lets get down to the dirty. He had been reading some dirty stories of mine lately from another blog I write, and now had an even better idea of what I was into. And for once I didn't go down with a fight. At the end of the DVD he pulled me onto him and we kissed. He started calling me a dirty slut and I was gone. He lifted me off of him and pulled off my jeans and told me to get on all fours and stay there.He slid a finger inside me and I moaned. I was already pretty wet. He has always been very rough with fingering me and I was finding it hard to stay on my hands as they began to shake. My breathing got quicker and the moans got louder. "Remember you aren't allowed to cum." Dammit I knew I shouldn't have told him that. He pulled his fingers out and I gave in and was on my elbows. Dak reminded me of this and I dragged myself up onto my hands again. He told me not to move and then a hand came smacking down onto my arse. I could hear him doing something around me but I didn't think looking up was the best idea. Dak may not be the most sadistic and while he isn't allowed to mark me he's a damn creative man. As I knew from past expeince. He also knows my body insanely well.

I could hear chain behind me and a pair of clovers were clamped down on my labia. His fingers went back inside me and he pulled on the chain. I was squirming and starting to try very hard to keep focused and not just go with it. Not long afterwards his fingers were out of me again and I could hear something going on behind me. I soon found out what it was as I felt the lube hit my skin and covering my arse. A finger slid inside and then another. He was soon fucking both holes and making me beg for more. He likes to make me beg for it. Soon enough his focus was just on streaching my arse as he is not a small boy and he wanted to fuck it. Something he'd never done with me before. He made sure I was nicely lubed and finally slid into my arse, but he's pretty big and it still hurt a little bit but he'd already forced my head into the pillow so I didn't make too much noise. He knows me well enough that he didn't stop or slow down but fucked me ruthelessly ignoring my screams calling me a bitch in heat (never been called that before and I rather liked it) and choked me on the fingers that had been in my cunt not long before. I could smell me on his fingers as he used me. He managed to orgasm before I could leaving me very wet, very turned on. But in keeping with Mist's orgasm ban.

Dak gave me some time to remember how to string a sentance and the caring sweet side was back. We cuddled up as we always do when we hang out. He asked it I was ok and we both cleaned ourselves up a bit. We watched some more junk and then he decided he wanted some more fun. He pulled me close and shoved a finger inside me and then another. I was soon writhing on his fingers and trying so hard to stop myself from orgasm. But his nail scratched me and I started to bleed, we were so wrapped up in the moment that neither of us had noticed as his fingers came out and he started fucking me. I wasn't in any pain (far from it it felt amazing) and it was only when my head came up I noticed the bloody finger marks on the wall. As I was in no pain and I love blood we continued despite better judgement saying I was out of action. The fact that I was so wet made it seem worse than it was and he smeared my bloody over me. But still no orgasm for me.

We chilled out afterwards and once we stopped so did the blood. We also figured it was a good time to call it quits on that department and just relax.We talked some more about Mist, and agreed that if Mist decides he wants to get serious with me Dak and I would stop fucking around. That's what I like about Dak, no strings sex and a great friend. In public people would think we're just two friends. I'm pretty sure he's the best dirty little secret I've ever had. And today was certainly (despite the lack of orgasm) some of the best sex I have ever had! Mist is going to wonder what the hell happened to me when he gets me into bed!

Fighting Back

An idea from a conversation between Mist and I.

But as I wrote through this I couldn't decide if Taming the Beast might not be a better title. You decide.

He wanted a challenge, and he certainly got it. She was like a coiled spring her body crouched and slightly bent, her legs bent and the knees and up on her toes. She was ready to meet his next move, matching every movement he made with one of her own. What he found so strange was the way that she moved, it seemed so unnatural yet completely comfortable to her. It was strange to him, he who owned her completely, or so he though. No one owned this side of her. There was a definace in this wild, naked woman. And a challenge in her eyes that dared him to even try and catch her.

He made a grab at her slender arm, and it dissapeared beneath him to be replaced by a sweeping almost claw like hand to his arm. He pulled away, shocked at her speed. But he had one thing that she did not. Strength. And he did not plan to lose to his wild girl. This was his idea and he would always feel like he would never completely own her until he had taken control of this almost inhuman side to her. He took another grab at her, this time for her hair which was trailing wild in her face. But again she was already gone and diving behind him with a bizarre agility. There was nothing graceful or cat like about it, yet it was beautiful in it's own way. She landed behind him on all fours and was diving at his back. But this time he was too quick fer her and he threw her down.

She landed on her shoulder with a grunt and this time was up much slower. She barely managed to miss the kick intended to keep him down and went for him while she had him off balance. The force she piled into him with as she bundled her tiny but powerful body into him sent them both flying and hitting the ground hard. She went into his bare chest with her teeth. She bit down hard enough to taste his blood, and in that moment they both thought she had won. He gathered his thoughts and grabbed her by the hair and throat forcing her away. She swiped out with paw like hands and a wild look in her eye. He threw her away like a broken doll. He glanced grabbed the rope and looked down on her as she pulled herself together. He could see between her legs was slick with her juices. She rose up again but he was prepared. She threw herself at him again, he could tell she was becoming desperate, and tired. He was much bigger and heavier and grabbed her body and threw it down without much of a problem.

She landed on her front and he was on top of her before she could turn, a knee in her back, pinning her once and for all. She still did not give up. Snarling and clawing in a desperate bid to right herself. He grabbed her wild mess of hair and forcing her face down with a force that would later bruise her cheek. One hand went to her head trying to fight off his hand. The other he grabbed and forced behind her back and tying it at the wrist. Using the rope to hold it in place he grabbed the other wrist and forced it back, tying it to the other wrist.

Next was her legs. They had been flailing around but now were completely still. It almost seemed too calm to belong to the deep ragged breaths and growls coming from his captive. He pulled his leg away and she moved as quick as her bonds would allow and was on him, teeth bared and ready to keep going. He struck her across the face knocking her back, but again she came at him. He had more time now, and he grabbed his next length of rope. He forced her down again and sat on her chest, it took a while to tie her legs but eventually with a lot of throwing around had tied her ankles to her thighs. She was bent in an uncomfrtable looking tie still looking up and still full of fire.

He had become as aroused as she, who was now so wet the insides of her thighs were slick with sweat and her juices. He posisioned her with her arse in the air and fucked her. She was exhausted, beaten and broken. He continued to slap and scartch at her skin as she still tried to wrestle and slowly gave in to her captor. He reached his climax and left her there just for a minute. Watching the rise and fall of her body as her breathing became regular again. He untied her and they curled up in each other arms.

My Happy New Year

Right first off, hope you all had a great new year whatever you were doing or not doing.

Secondly if I can get through telling the story of my new year without getting insanely horny and distracted then I have achieved something very special.

We'd had a bit to drink between Fyn and I, although we weren't drunk. Even if my hiccups were at the time the funniest thing ever. Somehow the subject of porn came up, and we ended up putting some on my laptop. Fyn was pretty turned on and so was I so I leaned down and started sucking him off. We decided to take ourselves and the porn upstairs to bed and he told me to strip. He climbed into bed with me and began slapping my tits while I wanked him off. I was dripping at this point so he finally fucked me. He slapped me, pulled my hair, pinched my nipples and called me a dirty whore and a filthy slut. He then pulled out and told me not to move and he came over me and rubbed his cum over my body. But I still hadn't cum yet and was going a bit crazy by now, He slid his fingers into me and fucked me hard but before I could cum from that he pulled out and stuck them in my arse and fucked my arse with his fingers while I rubbed my clit. The orgasm was amazing.

Well I had to condense it a little but I got through it. Shame he's still fast asleep upstairs I really want to cum again now but I can't without permission.

She's Back!

Well, it's been a while, I've had a lot going on with work, and other such stresses. Fyn is no longer my sub, he has gone back to being my dom. He decided that he preffered only subbing occationally and going back to domming me. But I am allowed to have a girly sub of my own, as long as he can either watch or join in. Personlly I'd rather he watched as if he joins in she kind of stops being my sub. I think part of him just wants a threesome.

Well once I have a story to tell, I shall tell it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Spirit xxx

Tonight

I'm feeling a bit rough tonight, caught Fyn's stomach bug. (Damn him!) So in a little while I shall be tying him up in some creative way so that he isn't going anywhere and forcing him to watch some porn. Just cause my stomach bug means I can't do very much else. I'll let you know how it goes later!

The Weekend

Well we're both up and back on our feet after an attack of the germs. So what's the plan for the weekend? I've got no cash until the start of the week so we'll be keeping it really cheap. I would like to have a quiet night in and have some play time with Fyn, but the thing is I really want to sub, I just don't want to sub to him. I want to be grabbed by the hair and have my holes used. I want to have my arse stretched and fucked. I want to be tied up and covered in cum. But there's no person I want to do that to me. For some reason, much as I love him I just can't sub to him. Every time I dom a partner I just can't sub to them afterwards. I wish I could, and a huge part of me wants to. But I just can't bring myself to.

The thing is much as I want to sub I really want to tie him down and torture his balls, his nipples and force him to watch me fuck his arse with my fingers. (I love the mirrors in our bedroom!) I also really want to give him a spanking. I haven't given him a proper spanking in a while.He makes the sexiest noises when I spank him, and he can take a hell of a lot more than he realises.

But why oh why is there no one out there to use me like a whore?

Getting out of trouble

Now for those that follow my mental bimblings you'll know that Fyn is under orgasm ban. He is now getting unbareable even for me. With the whinging, sulking and stropping I am going slowly mad. Not that he knows the full extent to my madness of it all. But I have told him if he behaves until 11pm tomorrow he can have a wank, maybe even an orgasm.

It can't be long now until he does something he shouldn't. He's also freaking out as I am looking at chastity devices. I'm going to have so much fun this next couple twenty four hours! In fact, if I feel (if I am being mean enough) he has just misbehaved and he'll have to wait until December now. Unless of course he can really make it up to me. So far not good.

The Weekend

It's not been great for us lately. Fyn is freaking out and so am I with this whole living together thing. We had rented a car for the weekend and as I was really down and miserable after a guy I did some work with started behaving like what can only be described as a total cunt we decided to go for a drive. It managed to do us a lot of good. We ended up talking about ex's and then kinky stuff. The kinky talk went on for most of the journey. Although he got a bit weird when he realised how much more experince I have than him when it comes to kink.

Anyway, when we got home it was gone midnight. We had a hot drink, put the heating on and I asked him if he wanted to play. And he did.

Once the flat had warmed up a bit I took him upstairs and told him to strip While he stripped I tightened my strap on around my hips. I tied him to the bed naked in the doggy position and blindfolded him. Then I slipped a glove on and lubed up his arse. I slid a finger in and started to fuck him with a finger, then two and finally three. Soon after I started fucking him with the strap on instead. I could hear that he was loving it. The strap on was rubbing against my clit and I orgasmed. A little while after that I untied him but didn't take the blindfold off. I then flipped him over and re-tied his wrists to the bed. Then I fucked him. He asked to cum and I climbed off. He was still hard when I untied him and removed the blind fold. He then asked again if he could cum. I figured I shouldn't be mean as he had just driven for several hours. So I let him have a wank and cum.

The next day he had to wear pink lacey underwear. He kept complaining that it kept riding up his backside. Which made me giggle. He was cheeky all day and so far trying to beat it out of him hasn't worked. So I have given him an orgasm ban. It's going to be a hell of a long time I do know that, especially after the comment of. "You always say you're going to get me back for the comments but you never really do anything." Despite the number of times I've beaten his backside. So now I'm going down another path. I'm sure he'll be allowed an orgasm by... I don't know. Maybe, December some time? That'll teach the little bugger.

Planning ahead

as I sit here with my coffee and biscuits I am pondering a few things Fyn told me the other night in bed. He wants to be fucked with my strap on, wear my underwear, and he wants to be tied up/down but not side to side or back in time (funny he was never much of a bondage fan when the shoe was on the other foot). Oh and last night he wanted to be humiliated. Does any one else get the feeling I may just have landed myself a bit of a sissy?

So this leave me in an interesting position. One I have never been one for dishing out humiliation, but I've always been a lover of taking it. Two we only have one piece of rope as due to ex's moving house and everything else of the past twelve months I've lost all of mine. Please excuse me as I have a breif grumble to myself. And finally three, I am tiny a size 8 in fact. He is not going to fit in my underwear without stretching it a bit. And I hardly have any underwear either while we're on grumbling.

So once I have done my waiting in for stuffs, I am going to be taking a shopping trip to buy some rope, underwear, and try and come up with some ways of humiliating him. Hell, at least I have a strap on! So the plan is no sex (cause he won't when I'm on a period, it's a bitch but I respect his limits), strip him in the hall, drag him naked upstairs tie him down so he is stuck kneeling in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom, make him watch himself sucking my strap on, only problem being I have to untie him to re-tie him to the bed. Ok scratch that, let's start again.

Tie his ankles to the bed and wrists behind his back, thank the landlord that we have mirrors for doors on the wardrobe that are the length of the room so he can still watch himself sucking me off while tied to the bed. Untie the wrists and then retie them to the bed. Or leave him as is so I can get up give him a quick beating, and then fuck his arse with said strap on. Possibly leaving him tied up for a little while afterwards so he doesn't know if I'm going to do anything else. Then just see how my mood takes me.

The underwear is going to wait as a surprise for the weekend. He'll be wearing it out under his normal clothes, after all I can't give him everything he wants in one night now, can I?

Subspace

Maybe it's me, but I never seem to be able to reach that magical place. Sometimes I think I'm close, but it just doesn't happen. It's like being told Narnia's just behind that door and when you open it all you get is a twat in a lion suit jump out. I've been with many very experinced doms and they have never gotten me there. I don't try because the harder I try I know it is never going to happen. And I know, I know, just try and switch your mind off and go with what's happening. If only I could even lower the volume on my mind, let alone turn it off!

So, I put it to you dear submissive readers. Have you never been able to reach subspace, or do you find it difficult? And lastly do you perhaps have any advice? As I am refusing to believe that it is just me. Not that I can see me subbing for a while as Fyn has a few submissive fantasies that he wants to breathe some life into, and I should be thinking about getting him into subspace. I get a feeling that won't be easy as he is much like me, his mind doesn't stop (only I'm sure he's much more badly behaved than I am!) but I am a good top (or at least I try to be) so I am going to find a way of doing it. It's early days and he's still finding his feet really. But we'll get there.

kink

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Last Night

I had not much been feeling myself of late. My pain tollerance has dissapeared which is ever so slightly really bloody annoying! My sex drive was thrown due to going on the implant which I have had removed and am back to being a borderline nympho now I am on the pill again. I had hoped with the return of my sex drive my ability to take pain would return. Unfortunately it has yet to return.

My fiancee who from here on out will be known as Fyn is a dom and a sadistic one at that. However he has not been able to hurt me as i've not been able to take anything at all. Shame really as I have missed it a hell of a lot. I think he's been happy that I have been able to go back to drenching the sheets every time I get remotely horny. But anyway, after a little fooling around he had decided that he at least wanted a hand job. I grabbed him by his hard and rather big cock and slapped it off of his stomach. It made a beautiful slapping sound, and from the equally beautiful sound from his lips it hurt as much as I had hopped it might. Usually that would have just gotten me into trouble but I managed to do it a couple of times more to him, each time that beautiful small yelp of pain escaping from his lips.

"That fucking hurts!" He tried to keep fairly quiet with his flatmate upstairs.
"But admit it, you like it. You can't exactly deny it."

He agreed that he liked it, and I grabbed him gently but firmly by the balls. He made a noise that was somewhere between pleasure and pain. I started to gently wank him off. I pinched his nipples and occationally squeezed his balls and slapped him across the head of his penis. I started to wank him harder, and then he made a cheeky comment. Well I might not have been able to spank him but I was sure as hell going to do something about it. I told him to go and get the clamps. We have two sets at his place, his tweezer shapped ones that are on a chain, and my evil (and favourites) clovers, also on chain. He came back with his, which are much more gentle, but failed to bring mine. Now most would have brought both if they had any sense, or have asked which clamps. But Fyn hasn't subbed in a fair few years. So I suppose it's an easy mistake to make.

I could tell he had done it on perpouse from the sheepish look on his face. I was not impressed. I told him to get the other set. he came back and I made him lay back on the bed. I attached his clamps to his nipples, and twisted them with the chain on mine and set those ones on his balls. Where the two chains met I pulled up and continued to wank him off. Then, as always seems to happen with his set of clamps one pinged off of his nipple. I decided I had better keep this symmetrical and pulled the clamp from the other nipple. Which really took no effort at all. I then massaged his nipples bringing a new eave of pain that he seemed to rather enjoy. Then I gently removed the clovers.

He actually thought it would be a good idea to be cheeky to me again. So I repeated my previous action with the pegs. But this time when I took the clamps off I put a cold drinks can against his skin where the clamps had once been.

I then continued to wank him off and then not long later he asked me if he could orgasm. I was impressed, I hadn't planned on reminding him to ask permission as I was hoping to have a reason to punish him. I allowed him to and he orgasmed. We curled up nd cuddled, and talked about what had just happend.

He does not want anybody to know that he has gone all sub on me. But he does want to explore this side of himself further. I had a catalogue from Honour on me and we looked through that together. In there was the metal chastity cage that I have at home. So next on the list of things to try is chastity. He has been banned from orgasms until I see him again on Saturday night. If he does then he will be in his new place with no flatmates and I can punish him properly! Then once we have played together he's going in the cage! I can't wait.

Well I think that's enough shared for my first post!

Love, light and sexual bliss

Spirit xxx