The Joys of Humiliation

So I like... Ok I love humiliation. Especially verbal humiliation. It will get me wet quicker than anything else I know. Recently when I asked sir to humiliate me he asked me how, much past the verbal stuff I drew a complete blank. So I put it to you my wonderful readers, give me some ways that sir can humiliate me!

Fifty Shades of Grey

Please tell me this is a bad joke. No? I've not been able to read the entire thing myself (even my masochism has it's boundaries and I have limits!) but the few exerts I have heard have made my IQ drop and the more I hear about it the less I like. It is basically from what I have heard a "How to" guide to being a bad and abusive dom. Thus making me thrilled that Sir knows his stuff. (In other news we have decided I really need pushing this weekend and both want to know how bruised my tits can get as my arse just doesn't. No really it doesn't! It used to but recently it decided that it doesn't want to any more. Ironclad was the word sir used. But that's another matter.) So I shall be writing for all those possible "Fifty Shade" refugees that stumble across my blog that are new to our dark, beautiful and slightly twisted little world, a proper how it should be done and how not to do it.

Bruised

Hey, so anyway sorry I didn't post anything sooner, things have been a little crazy round here! Anyway so as you know I was on an orgasm ban. I made it through what felt like the longest three days of my entire life! And every second was worth it. But that was then and this is about yesterday!

Yesterday morning we had an empty flat to enjoy, and what started off with a warm up spanking, then moved onto a very mean wooden paddle brush that I own, then moved onto a super stingy flogger, onto a cane, then back to the brush, an over the knee spanking and finally the cane. Now my pain tolerance has been insanely low, but yesterday just pushed every single button, and most of the beating just did not register of pain, the moans and a wet patch that went down to my knees will contest to that! I have not had a chance to check out how black and blue I am yet, but I'll let you know! I've also rediscovered a huge love for nipple clamps something I was never usually able to take before. But the pain was just... exquisite is the only word for it right now.

I'd write more but I really must dash. Will give you all more of an update later in the week. Take care everyone!

Spirit

Spirit Claws the Walls

So my relationship has taken a turn for the D/s and I am on an orgasm ban. I've been on it since yesterday, but I do have to masturbate three times a day until Friday. Three times and no orgasm? This is cruel but brilliant. I'm enjoying it, but it's also a little bit hellish. I had to sleep in a huge wet patch last night. I don't see him until Friday, and I can't wait as I haven't seen him since last Friday.

On Friday I'll be wearing my stockings, suspenders and my schoolgirl dress. If I really wore my old school uniform I really would not have looked sexy. It was black and shapeless and as un-sexy as humanly possible. But I digress.

Hell I'll do damn near anything to take my mind off the fact that I think my clit is developing a mind of it's own I'm so damned horny! I am trying to not think about the fact I have to masturbate five more times before Friday, all I can say is, he'd better not be over here too late on Friday!

New Relationship

I'm taking things slowly with this relationship. I have to after the past couple of years, considering the state my heart has been left in, not to mention my trust (which is still currently non-existent but I am working on that). So anyway, I see him about once, maybe twice a week. But my brain is currently going mad and shouting at me to get out before I get hurt as I am getting rather attached to him, and I promised myself that I wouldn't get attached to anyone for a long time. But here I am slowly giving my control up and dare I say it possibly falling for this one. Well I'm off to go and put my butt plug in and record myself having a wank for him as promised. Damn rules! I'm actually enjoying them.

On a Rubber Kick

I've never been too into rubber, at least not on me anyway. But this could be down to two things

1. My first ever latex dress was very unflattering
2. The last time I wore a latex skirt I had sweat pouring down my thighs which was annoying.

I love the stuff on other people, although I'm not always mad for the smell like some people I know. But since the invite to the rubber party I've been looking for something new to wear. I have a mini skirt and a top but I've seen a new top, and a dress, and some gloves. The gloves are a bargin and I'll have them in the next few days. The only thing is I'm a bit poor right now and will be for the next few weeks, so I'm praying I'll magically get the funds for the new top because as it is a very rubber party I want to be a little more covered and lovely as that top is it is cropped and doesn't cover very much.

But anyway, the thing is I'm getting really excited about the whole rubber thing, it used to be when I was expected to wear rubber I'd grudgingly get into it and get out of it as quick as possible, but this time I'm really looking and getting really excited and can't wait to try my new gloves on. And I'm really hoping that I might be able to get the top before the party. I'll have to shuffle some funds about a bit and see what I can do!

12 Months

I have not had a proper play session in thirteen whole months. I've had a few offers, including an invite to a very private rubber play party that is coming up. But I've been turning everyone down, although I haven't turned down the play party. I'm not a rubber person, but I still kind of fancy it. But what puts me off is that I haven't played in so very bloody long and I'm not sure that the first time I play after so long be something so public.

Since the split with Storm (which has been rather stressful) I have wanted to play but I have not really found anyone I have wanted to play with. The guy I'm currently fucking is only very mildly kinky so I don't count what we do as playing in any way. Although there has been a friend of a friend that has asked me out this weekend, he's a couple of years younger than me, which I would never normally go for, and although not unattractive not physically my type. but yet I have found myself agreeing to a date. So hopefully if all goes well maybe I'll have some kinky stroies to share very soon. Much as I like the guy I'm fucking it's been almost a month and he is talking about just being friends so I have to get out before I get hurt.

Lucky Dip

So I went to an event recently, it was a fantastic night with a kinky edge to it. When I got there I went for a smoke and met a pair of really nice guys, anyway as the night progresses I end up kissing one of them (in truth I kissed two people that night but ya know, who's counting?) anyway so we get talking about kink and it turns out of all the people in the building I find the vanilla who wants to be corrupted. At the end of the night he invites me back to his (well he's pretty damn cute if you ask me) so it would be rude to say no.

We get back to his and his friend crashes in the spare room and we move from the living room to the bedroom, barring a few scratches and the odd very gentle bite the sex was pretty vanilla. We spent the whole of Sunday and Monday together and the sex was pretty damn good. He also asked me to corrupt him so that sort of got the cogs turning in my head. He said he wanted to try bondage but didn't really go much past that.

Now I've been very nervous about getting back into the kink world, considering I haven't played with anyone in really just over a year, and I am really wanting to take things very slow, considering I don't want to get burnt again after all the problems I've had of late.

So somehow I deccide that the first person I am going to play with is someone with no experince, but is very keen to learn. When I got over to his the other day I asked him if he wanted to see what I'd brought recently, the only things that got used were the new rope (which I still keep saying I must cut to lengths I want!) and my lovely new cuffs. He wanted to see what it was like to be tied down before he did any tying (a man after my own heart) so I cuffed and tied him to the bed, teased him, gently biting his nipples, kissing down his body, giving him a blowjob (man that guy's dick gets bigger every time I see it), and finally riding him. After an orgasm or three, I let him go as being tied was not his thing, but he was more than happy cuffing me flipping me over, and fucking the life out of me, dirty talking the whole way. He really did take to domming like a fish to water. But it's early days and we're not too sure where all this is going, we don't want to rush into a relationship so we're taking it slow. But give me time and I'm going to find out everything he's into and I think when I'm done the scene is going to have another excellent dom.

In other news I've got another date coming up. He's a friend of a friend, pretty cute and I must say, I'm rather looking forward to that too.

Shameless Plugging of Stuff

Ok, so I got begged by a friend to do this, and she's actually pretty cool, with wicked taste in events. So for anyone who will be in London on a Wednesday there is Kink VIP London, it's in Kings Cross and is a nice chilled out place by all accounts. Here's a link to the kink. All the info is there, and I hear the drinks are reasonably priced, and the people are friendly.

Will I be going? Well, I can't give all my secrets away now can I?

Escape (Story)

I hate family events, I mean really hate them. From the "You scrub up well" to the "Why did you have to get another tattoo?"

But then I never expected to see him there. I don't know why I didn't, I mean he's a family friend so why not? And I've been fantasising about fucking him for so long it's been driving me crazy. Not that I ever expected anything. He always seemed so nice, and clean cut. Dare I say almost good for me?

So when I finally get him all alone and to myself we talk, am I single? Oh hell yeah. How can a nice girl like me be single? How sweet, you still think I'm nice. I'm tired of this almost flirting and feeling like I'm under the microscope of my family. I smile that half smile, pull my hair out of my eyes, lean over, one hand on his thigh and the other on his shoulder and whisper "Let's get the fuck out of here, just for an hour or I swear I'll go mad."

"OK." Damn, I didn't think it'd be that easy. I lead us out a back door out of the house, and round the corner. I pull him down the road and lean my back against the wall, pulling him into me and kissing him. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me back. Hey, when did being subtle get you anywhere? He ran his hands over my body, and I reached under his shirt and raked my nails down his chest. He wrapped my hair in his fingers pulling my head to the side and kissed my ear and down my neck.

"Lets go somewhere a little more private." The joys of having a house in the middle of nowhere is that there's plenty of feilds for a little privacy. Well, more private than this anyway. We hurried off to a feild a few minutes away. We dropped to the grass and he was on top of me. He pulled my skirt up and my underwear off, stuffing it into my mouth. He turned me over and pulled me onto my hands and knees. I heard him undo his jeans and he was soon inside me, fucking me hard. I moaned through my underwear. Then a finger slid into my arse, and I pushed back against it. He pulled out of my driping cunt and then he was in my arse, stretching my tight hole and it felt amazing. I started rubbing my clit with one hand which he pulled away and held in an arm lock behind my back.

He pulled out and turned me over, and took my underwear out of my mouth, grabbed my hair and forced my head down over his cock, ripping my top down and slapping my tits as I choked on his cock. He pushed me back down and was back inside my arse and rubbing my clit until I came. He pumped into my arse harder and harder until he filled my arse with his spunk. We lay on the grass breathless, he finally turned to me, put an arm around me.

Fliting In, Flitting Out

I'm back! No I wasn't locked in the basement of a dom and left to his mercy. Although that might have been fun and I am going back over the next few days for an extended period. He only hurt me once, but he talked to me constantly and it was amazing the way he got into my head and I tried age play for the first time. When he first mentioned it I had absolutely no interest and was a little grossed out but he talked to me and as he kept talking and explaining it changed from a hard limit to something I was curious about and within a few days I was a little girl and very comfortable with it. I wasn't that little but definately regressed a bit.

There's a lot of other stuff I have to get my head around at the moment but it'll all be coming out over the next couple of days. Hope ya'll are well and didn't miss me too much!

Spirit

Goodbye Mist

So it turned out that Mist was just trying to use me, and was setting me up for a fall. I'm not hurt, not now, I was then. All that's left now is anger. You pushed me into admitting my feelings and publicly I might add, just to dump me the next day. Well screw you then. Tomorrow night I'm going to be spending with Dax and I have been invited by a guy I know to go and have a play with him. Thing is he's much older than me and age difference has always been the one thing to put me off.

I haven't seen the guy in years though and I do want to go and catch up with him. But for the time being I'm committing to nothing and nobody. Just me. When the time's right, I'll know. But for now it's all kinky sex with great friends!

Pain, So Much Pain.

I used to have a fairly high tollerance for pain, now I don't know if it's because I went such a long time since someone actually pushed me pain wise, or if the things he likes to use are a very different kind of pain to what I am used to. Either way this weekend has seen me pushed further than usual. I think we're going to have to have words on a certain toy.

Also I made a total arse of myself and told him I loved him, what made him ask and more's the point, what made me say yes? Fuck. Well he didn't say that he loved me, but he at least still wants to see me again. So it can't be all bad.

Non-commital.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while may remember Dak. I went to see him today and a drink as always turned into going back to his to watch DVD's. Last time it resulted in very drunken guilty sex. Now the situation as it stands with Mist is that I have no idea what's going on. His profiles don't say he is seeing anyone, and one in fact says he is still looking. Hmmmm. So fooling around with Dak this time was guilt free. We've been doing this for a while now. On and off. And today was probably the best we've had.

With Dak it's often very violent on both sides. I fight back (not Wolfie type fight back, as bizarrely he really likes Dak) but we have a lot of rough and tumble. In fact the first night we fooled around we totlly trashed his place. But doesn't the best sex usually create a lot of mess. Dak however had heard on the grapevine that I was playing with Mist and we talked about that. He knows my lingering fear of not knowing where I stand with him and that his blog says he is single. So with that in mind we had some very guilt free fooling around. Now I don't let Dak mark me as we are very non-commital. I love him to pieces but I don't have that connection that lets me let go enough to let him leave a single mark on me. But I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.

So lets get down to the dirty. He had been reading some dirty stories of mine lately from another blog I write, and now had an even better idea of what I was into. And for once I didn't go down with a fight. At the end of the DVD he pulled me onto him and we kissed. He started calling me a dirty slut and I was gone. He lifted me off of him and pulled off my jeans and told me to get on all fours and stay there.He slid a finger inside me and I moaned. I was already pretty wet. He has always been very rough with fingering me and I was finding it hard to stay on my hands as they began to shake. My breathing got quicker and the moans got louder. "Remember you aren't allowed to cum." Dammit I knew I shouldn't have told him that. He pulled his fingers out and I gave in and was on my elbows. Dak reminded me of this and I dragged myself up onto my hands again. He told me not to move and then a hand came smacking down onto my arse. I could hear him doing something around me but I didn't think looking up was the best idea. Dak may not be the most sadistic and while he isn't allowed to mark me he's a damn creative man. As I knew from past expeince. He also knows my body insanely well.

I could hear chain behind me and a pair of clovers were clamped down on my labia. His fingers went back inside me and he pulled on the chain. I was squirming and starting to try very hard to keep focused and not just go with it. Not long afterwards his fingers were out of me again and I could hear something going on behind me. I soon found out what it was as I felt the lube hit my skin and covering my arse. A finger slid inside and then another. He was soon fucking both holes and making me beg for more. He likes to make me beg for it. Soon enough his focus was just on streaching my arse as he is not a small boy and he wanted to fuck it. Something he'd never done with me before. He made sure I was nicely lubed and finally slid into my arse, but he's pretty big and it still hurt a little bit but he'd already forced my head into the pillow so I didn't make too much noise. He knows me well enough that he didn't stop or slow down but fucked me ruthelessly ignoring my screams calling me a bitch in heat (never been called that before and I rather liked it) and choked me on the fingers that had been in my cunt not long before. I could smell me on his fingers as he used me. He managed to orgasm before I could leaving me very wet, very turned on. But in keeping with Mist's orgasm ban.

Dak gave me some time to remember how to string a sentance and the caring sweet side was back. We cuddled up as we always do when we hang out. He asked it I was ok and we both cleaned ourselves up a bit. We watched some more junk and then he decided he wanted some more fun. He pulled me close and shoved a finger inside me and then another. I was soon writhing on his fingers and trying so hard to stop myself from orgasm. But his nail scratched me and I started to bleed, we were so wrapped up in the moment that neither of us had noticed as his fingers came out and he started fucking me. I wasn't in any pain (far from it it felt amazing) and it was only when my head came up I noticed the bloody finger marks on the wall. As I was in no pain and I love blood we continued despite better judgement saying I was out of action. The fact that I was so wet made it seem worse than it was and he smeared my bloody over me. But still no orgasm for me.

We chilled out afterwards and once we stopped so did the blood. We also figured it was a good time to call it quits on that department and just relax.We talked some more about Mist, and agreed that if Mist decides he wants to get serious with me Dak and I would stop fucking around. That's what I like about Dak, no strings sex and a great friend. In public people would think we're just two friends. I'm pretty sure he's the best dirty little secret I've ever had. And today was certainly (despite the lack of orgasm) some of the best sex I have ever had! Mist is going to wonder what the hell happened to me when he gets me into bed!

Fear and Lust in London

Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but with less drugs and more sex.

Alright, alright less of the attempts at humor I'll get to the point. I have been talking to Mist this past day or two. He has something planned for me. I don't know any more than the list of things I need to bring. I think I'm going to meet him at a station in a part of London I don't know and he won't tell me any more.

If this was any other person I knew I'd demand some details or I wouldn't go, but I trust him. I trust him completely, he has proven me wrong about even myself. No, that's not right. He hasn't proven me wrong. He's guided me through things I thought I didn't like. And shown me that a bad experince doesn't make them bad things. I'll tell you more when I know more!

Fighting Back

An idea from a conversation between Mist and I.

But as I wrote through this I couldn't decide if Taming the Beast might not be a better title. You decide.

He wanted a challenge, and he certainly got it. She was like a coiled spring her body crouched and slightly bent, her legs bent and the knees and up on her toes. She was ready to meet his next move, matching every movement he made with one of her own. What he found so strange was the way that she moved, it seemed so unnatural yet completely comfortable to her. It was strange to him, he who owned her completely, or so he though. No one owned this side of her. There was a definace in this wild, naked woman. And a challenge in her eyes that dared him to even try and catch her.

He made a grab at her slender arm, and it dissapeared beneath him to be replaced by a sweeping almost claw like hand to his arm. He pulled away, shocked at her speed. But he had one thing that she did not. Strength. And he did not plan to lose to his wild girl. This was his idea and he would always feel like he would never completely own her until he had taken control of this almost inhuman side to her. He took another grab at her, this time for her hair which was trailing wild in her face. But again she was already gone and diving behind him with a bizarre agility. There was nothing graceful or cat like about it, yet it was beautiful in it's own way. She landed behind him on all fours and was diving at his back. But this time he was too quick fer her and he threw her down.

She landed on her shoulder with a grunt and this time was up much slower. She barely managed to miss the kick intended to keep him down and went for him while she had him off balance. The force she piled into him with as she bundled her tiny but powerful body into him sent them both flying and hitting the ground hard. She went into his bare chest with her teeth. She bit down hard enough to taste his blood, and in that moment they both thought she had won. He gathered his thoughts and grabbed her by the hair and throat forcing her away. She swiped out with paw like hands and a wild look in her eye. He threw her away like a broken doll. He glanced grabbed the rope and looked down on her as she pulled herself together. He could see between her legs was slick with her juices. She rose up again but he was prepared. She threw herself at him again, he could tell she was becoming desperate, and tired. He was much bigger and heavier and grabbed her body and threw it down without much of a problem.

She landed on her front and he was on top of her before she could turn, a knee in her back, pinning her once and for all. She still did not give up. Snarling and clawing in a desperate bid to right herself. He grabbed her wild mess of hair and forcing her face down with a force that would later bruise her cheek. One hand went to her head trying to fight off his hand. The other he grabbed and forced behind her back and tying it at the wrist. Using the rope to hold it in place he grabbed the other wrist and forced it back, tying it to the other wrist.

Next was her legs. They had been flailing around but now were completely still. It almost seemed too calm to belong to the deep ragged breaths and growls coming from his captive. He pulled his leg away and she moved as quick as her bonds would allow and was on him, teeth bared and ready to keep going. He struck her across the face knocking her back, but again she came at him. He had more time now, and he grabbed his next length of rope. He forced her down again and sat on her chest, it took a while to tie her legs but eventually with a lot of throwing around had tied her ankles to her thighs. She was bent in an uncomfrtable looking tie still looking up and still full of fire.

He had become as aroused as she, who was now so wet the insides of her thighs were slick with sweat and her juices. He posisioned her with her arse in the air and fucked her. She was exhausted, beaten and broken. He continued to slap and scartch at her skin as she still tried to wrestle and slowly gave in to her captor. He reached his climax and left her there just for a minute. Watching the rise and fall of her body as her breathing became regular again. He untied her and they curled up in each other arms.

Sub Space - A Natter

It's something that came up in conversation with Mist recently. He would rather his partner didn't space out and was there with him expriencing the sensations rather than have gone mentally and physically numb. And it got me to thinking, is that my subspace block? Do I actually like being there in the moment with my partner? Do I want to be able to look into their eyes when haze of pain has faded away and be totally grounded by them?

It would explain a lot, and it is a conversation we keep saying we could sit and have during emails and texts but the conversation never gets around to that. We've normally got better things to do!

Men In My Life

Right, so Mist came over today, and while we were playing made me cry (which is very rare for me) and it felt great. I find it hard to cry as a day to day thing and he is amazing afterwards at holding me and making me feel like I'm indistructable. The only problem is Wolfie. He doesn't see good or bad tears, just tears. Later while giving Mist a blow job I had to fight down Wolfie from coming up and biting him. I was having a great time and I actually really love giving him blow jobs.

The Owner

"One day, I will own you."

Those words resonated through her mind, and became a feeling that washed over her whole body, one place in particular. He made her heart beat faster and the breath catch in her chest. It had been that way since the day they first met. He could offer her the control she sought, and in return she could offer him herself completely.

At the end of their first date she was told she was not allowed to play with herself without his permission. Although she could ask for it. Days in and she still hadn't asked, although they were talking at every chance they got. She was waiting for him to tell her she could. There was something about him, his voice, perhaps? Or maybe that way he had with her that somehow managed to make her feel completely safe and yet at the same time like she was throwing herself to the lions? But something about him just drew her in and she could not resist him.

She didn't know what was going to happen next, but she couldn't wait to find out...

Be Right Back

As I sit here bunking off from work I feel like I'm getting better. I'm putting all the crap behind me and slowly starting to move on. I feel like I'm ready to stop morning for all that other crap and come back as Spirit V2.0 better, dirtier and with added kink! And just as determinded to reach that ever elusive subspace!


Now I know as well as anyone that this will not be happening over night. Things take time, and energy and all that jazz. But as things change I will be updating with all the news, stories and gossip. Well wish me luck!

Spirit xx