Meep

So I'm slowly turning into my mum (been watching all those crime shows she loves) had work (never fun) and I'm now having subbie like dreams of being fucked in the arse.

I  really need to do something about this needing to sub thing!

Another Last Night Story

So last night I kept bringing Fyn to the brink of orgasm and then stopping. It went on for a while. It was a lot of fun for me. In the end I let him cum. I must be getting soft in my old age!

Quick Update

Well I've got a lot of work this week, so I don't know how much I'll be around. We're all back to good health and eventually need to get off our butts and do constructive/destructive things with the day.

Tonight

I'm feeling a bit rough tonight, caught Fyn's stomach bug. (Damn him!) So in a little while I shall be tying him up in some creative way so that he isn't going anywhere and forcing him to watch some porn. Just cause my stomach bug means I can't do very much else. I'll let you know how it goes later!

The Weekend

Well we're both up and back on our feet after an attack of the germs. So what's the plan for the weekend? I've got no cash until the start of the week so we'll be keeping it really cheap. I would like to have a quiet night in and have some play time with Fyn, but the thing is I really want to sub, I just don't want to sub to him. I want to be grabbed by the hair and have my holes used. I want to have my arse stretched and fucked. I want to be tied up and covered in cum. But there's no person I want to do that to me. For some reason, much as I love him I just can't sub to him. Every time I dom a partner I just can't sub to them afterwards. I wish I could, and a huge part of me wants to. But I just can't bring myself to.

The thing is much as I want to sub I really want to tie him down and torture his balls, his nipples and force him to watch me fuck his arse with my fingers. (I love the mirrors in our bedroom!) I also really want to give him a spanking. I haven't given him a proper spanking in a while.He makes the sexiest noises when I spank him, and he can take a hell of a lot more than he realises.

But why oh why is there no one out there to use me like a whore?

Ramblings

As I sit here with a mug of coffee, and a beautiful day outside I wonder what I shall do with the weekend. Fyn and I are rather poor until next week when I have a few jobs and can afford to leave the flat. It's also been a house of germs lately (tsk, damn time of year) so for once we don't have much in the way of plans to be honest. I have to beg my mum for some cash until later in the week, which I hate as I haven't had to do that in a long time.

But I shan't bore you with my personal life.

I really want to lock him in chastity but he's freaking out about it a bit, so I'll have to drop it for a while. (Shame.) I was actually really good to him last night, he was very stressed due to something going a bit bleh at his job. In fact he was ready to kill someone. So to try and help him chill out a bit I let him have an orgasm. It put a smile on his place right up to the moment I told him he had to swallow his cum afterwards. Apparently he is not a fan of it. Hopefully we'll get to play again tonight or maybe tomorrow night.

Getting out of trouble

Now for those that follow my mental bimblings you'll know that Fyn is under orgasm ban. He is now getting unbareable even for me. With the whinging, sulking and stropping I am going slowly mad. Not that he knows the full extent to my madness of it all. But I have told him if he behaves until 11pm tomorrow he can have a wank, maybe even an orgasm.

It can't be long now until he does something he shouldn't. He's also freaking out as I am looking at chastity devices. I'm going to have so much fun this next couple twenty four hours! In fact, if I feel (if I am being mean enough) he has just misbehaved and he'll have to wait until December now. Unless of course he can really make it up to me. So far not good.

Ex's - A Lower Form of Life?

Recently I've had ex's crewl out of the woodwork. One has tried adding me as a friend on facebook. Apparently in his head it is perfectly alright to dump a woman, then go wombat crazy sending nasty emails and texts. I had a really hard time with that. The relationship went downhill we both wanted different things. In two years it didn't move on and when we finally split and I started seeing someone new he went mental. But now apparently he wants to be friends. Does he not remember any of our history, or is it all through those rose tinted (or possibly in this case totally blacked out) he remembers a happy relationship?

Then there is He-Who-Does-Not-Deserve-To-Be Named. Or the Wanker for short. He broke my heart and made me homeless. Now we are both London dwellers and both on the scene, yet suddenly he keeps going to events that I might just want to go to. Now it's not that seeing him upsets me. I am over him and went to see him a couple of months ago when he found some of my stuff. But we had a chat and he tried to make out that my happiness, was all down to him. He drove me to deppresion, and then when he couldn't cope with my problems kicked me out with no where to go. When I saw him last I was in a great place, happy and with my life more or less sorted. That was all my bloody hard work, a few absolutely amazing people and most of all, Fyn. (Even if there are times I could use his nuts as a stress ball.) It just made me so mad that he tried to validate all he did, and try and be some kind of... of I don't know but I am getting angry just thinking about it.

I have some amazing ex's who I still love to sit down and have a natter and a drink with. Why can't they pop up in my life more often? Genuine friends who sometimes I really miss. Why just these toss-pots?

I guess that's the problem with kinky relationships so often, the BDSM world is a total goldfish bowl and sometimes that's just one of the things you have to live with. Or admit you need to bow out for a while until the boiling venom has cooled a little. I don't think it ever will with Wanker, he left me homeless and vulnerable. I can never forgive someone that could do that to another human being.

Well rant over

Love and stuff

Spirit

Tsk

Looks like the next week is going to be a very tight one. I just had a last minute work cancellation, Fyn is home with germs, and I'm generally just a bit fed up. When he's not working he's playing that bloody video game of his. (Yes I know I brought it for him but I didn't expect it to take over his life.) So we now have the internet at home (yay) and I will be posting more frequently, when he is not around. Although having said that I recon I could walk in with a condom on my head and he wouldn't notice such as things are in the Spriit/Fyn household these days.

He is being better behaved since his orgasm ban I must admit. I just wish he'd pay me a little more attention. Maybe if I stick a rocket up his bum. Ah well. If I were in better health I'd probably do something about it.

Yours in sickness and a distinct lack of health

Spirit

Going Out

Fyn has decided that he actually wants to go to a fetish club. So now I have two weeks to buy/steal/make/make magically appear an outfit for the fussy git. I was lucky it was almost one week. But when you are on a crazy tight budget with a fussy little pain in the arse what do you get a bloke to wear for a fetish club?

The dress code did say goth so I think he's going to have to dress as a goth for the night. I don'tthink any of our friend's are his size so I can't borrow anything. He also wants something that is going to cover him up. He has turned his nose up at the idea of me making him some bondage trousers. I oubt I could afford PVC ones for him, and if I could I doubt he'd like them. So please for the love of my sanity. What the fuck do I do? Aside from possibly not go. Which I wouldn't mind.

The Weekend

It's not been great for us lately. Fyn is freaking out and so am I with this whole living together thing. We had rented a car for the weekend and as I was really down and miserable after a guy I did some work with started behaving like what can only be described as a total cunt we decided to go for a drive. It managed to do us a lot of good. We ended up talking about ex's and then kinky stuff. The kinky talk went on for most of the journey. Although he got a bit weird when he realised how much more experince I have than him when it comes to kink.

Anyway, when we got home it was gone midnight. We had a hot drink, put the heating on and I asked him if he wanted to play. And he did.

Once the flat had warmed up a bit I took him upstairs and told him to strip While he stripped I tightened my strap on around my hips. I tied him to the bed naked in the doggy position and blindfolded him. Then I slipped a glove on and lubed up his arse. I slid a finger in and started to fuck him with a finger, then two and finally three. Soon after I started fucking him with the strap on instead. I could hear that he was loving it. The strap on was rubbing against my clit and I orgasmed. A little while after that I untied him but didn't take the blindfold off. I then flipped him over and re-tied his wrists to the bed. Then I fucked him. He asked to cum and I climbed off. He was still hard when I untied him and removed the blind fold. He then asked again if he could cum. I figured I shouldn't be mean as he had just driven for several hours. So I let him have a wank and cum.

The next day he had to wear pink lacey underwear. He kept complaining that it kept riding up his backside. Which made me giggle. He was cheeky all day and so far trying to beat it out of him hasn't worked. So I have given him an orgasm ban. It's going to be a hell of a long time I do know that, especially after the comment of. "You always say you're going to get me back for the comments but you never really do anything." Despite the number of times I've beaten his backside. So now I'm going down another path. I'm sure he'll be allowed an orgasm by... I don't know. Maybe, December some time? That'll teach the little bugger.

Planning ahead

as I sit here with my coffee and biscuits I am pondering a few things Fyn told me the other night in bed. He wants to be fucked with my strap on, wear my underwear, and he wants to be tied up/down but not side to side or back in time (funny he was never much of a bondage fan when the shoe was on the other foot). Oh and last night he wanted to be humiliated. Does any one else get the feeling I may just have landed myself a bit of a sissy?

So this leave me in an interesting position. One I have never been one for dishing out humiliation, but I've always been a lover of taking it. Two we only have one piece of rope as due to ex's moving house and everything else of the past twelve months I've lost all of mine. Please excuse me as I have a breif grumble to myself. And finally three, I am tiny a size 8 in fact. He is not going to fit in my underwear without stretching it a bit. And I hardly have any underwear either while we're on grumbling.

So once I have done my waiting in for stuffs, I am going to be taking a shopping trip to buy some rope, underwear, and try and come up with some ways of humiliating him. Hell, at least I have a strap on! So the plan is no sex (cause he won't when I'm on a period, it's a bitch but I respect his limits), strip him in the hall, drag him naked upstairs tie him down so he is stuck kneeling in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom, make him watch himself sucking my strap on, only problem being I have to untie him to re-tie him to the bed. Ok scratch that, let's start again.

Tie his ankles to the bed and wrists behind his back, thank the landlord that we have mirrors for doors on the wardrobe that are the length of the room so he can still watch himself sucking me off while tied to the bed. Untie the wrists and then retie them to the bed. Or leave him as is so I can get up give him a quick beating, and then fuck his arse with said strap on. Possibly leaving him tied up for a little while afterwards so he doesn't know if I'm going to do anything else. Then just see how my mood takes me.

The underwear is going to wait as a surprise for the weekend. He'll be wearing it out under his normal clothes, after all I can't give him everything he wants in one night now, can I?

Subspace

Maybe it's me, but I never seem to be able to reach that magical place. Sometimes I think I'm close, but it just doesn't happen. It's like being told Narnia's just behind that door and when you open it all you get is a twat in a lion suit jump out. I've been with many very experinced doms and they have never gotten me there. I don't try because the harder I try I know it is never going to happen. And I know, I know, just try and switch your mind off and go with what's happening. If only I could even lower the volume on my mind, let alone turn it off!

So, I put it to you dear submissive readers. Have you never been able to reach subspace, or do you find it difficult? And lastly do you perhaps have any advice? As I am refusing to believe that it is just me. Not that I can see me subbing for a while as Fyn has a few submissive fantasies that he wants to breathe some life into, and I should be thinking about getting him into subspace. I get a feeling that won't be easy as he is much like me, his mind doesn't stop (only I'm sure he's much more badly behaved than I am!) but I am a good top (or at least I try to be) so I am going to find a way of doing it. It's early days and he's still finding his feet really. But we'll get there.

Want Want Want

I've been a good girl this year. (Well more or less.) So can I please please pretty please have this corset?

And maybe a whole new fetish wardrobe? I don't have enough leather and it is making me sad. I am also very aware that Christmas is just around the corner and I have to spend my money on pressies for my family and for Fyn. I am yet to make my mind up on what to get him. He's asked me what I want and I have no idea. Meh, I'm sure I can think of something.

Rough Sex

I am the first to put my hand up (both in fact, waving while squealing like a little bitch) and say I like rough sex. For me there is no other kind. (Aside from kinky, up the ass, mouth... ok maybe there is a couple of other kinds!) But anyway for me I don't see the point in gentle sex, I need it hard, rough and possibly bruise forming.

The only thing is if Fyn is that hard he'd probably kill me. He's what you'd call big. And when I say big I mean screaming in something that is pleasure but also a hell of a lot of pain. So what do I do about it? I figured that by now he would have stretched my cunt so it might not have hurt so much at least in that direction anyway. But apparently I am built like a rubber band, I just snap back into place afterwards, and I am still the wrong kind of sore.

So what the hell do I do, cause I miss my rough hard sex!

All work and no play

I'm having a few days away and won't be online much. Work will be crazy and I've not been feeling too inspired. I've been thinking maybe it's time to drag Fyn to a club and perhaps try and kick us back into playing more often. A lot of it has been that he hasn't been giving me much of a hint he has wanted to, and with work I've been too tired to initiate anything.

We've both been working too much lately. I think it's time for a trip out.

Tonight

It looks like I won't be havins sex with Fyn for a few days, he has a cold and I have to look after him. Not really my idea of fun. Shall have to get myself a vibrator. I do have one but I've not got a clue where he flipping thing is right now. I hate it when you can't find something you want. I guess it was time to get a new one, my one is a bit noisy which I find a bit off putting. Time to go vibe shopping I guess...

Another Shot

Yet again I had to pass up a chance to play with Fyn as by the time we got home and had dinner it was almost ten o'clock and by that time we were so tired as we both had to be up early the next morning we ended up going to bed. In fact the only reason the washing up got done was because I had to half beat him into it. So I am heading over to the flat once I am done with the days boring stuff, and tonight I will be making dinner for when he gets in (all I'm missing is a martini glass permernantly full of gin and I'd be a fifties house wife!) so we can have a chance at an evening of doing anything fun.

Between my work stresses and the occational personal life stress (bloody ex's there should be a law about them contacting you) I've found it hard to get in the mood to do anything. But anyway I am going to try and change that today. Then I shall have something exciting to put in here next time!

Spirit

The next thing I write

I won't be online much this next rew days, largely due to work. But I was thinking about what I would write next. Of course if I play with Fyn or anything similar then of course I will write about that. And try and go into much more detail than usual. That's if, the people that read this want me to of course. (Dear readers do let me know.) I was wondering if people liked my little stories and if people wanted them to continue. I was thinking of writing about one of my kinks in the future. If anyone is interested.

Spirit

Kicking and Screaming

A Breif Story

He closed the door behind us and I grabbed him by the hair. He had been behaving like a brat all day and I'd finally had enough. I am a reasonable woman but I have my limits. He is my collared slave (even if he can't actually wear the collar all the time) and he should at least attempt to behave as such! I dragged him into our bedroom and bent him over the bed. I told him not to move. He didn't. It was the first time he had behaved all bloody day.

I took his collar out of the cupboard and attached it around his neck, then I cuffed his hands and tied the cuffs on the bed.He was only wearing an old pair of jeans so I left him as he was and fetched a pair of scissors, and cut his jeans off his body and pulled down his boxers. He had begun to apologise and plea with me. I was already bored of this and decided to gag him. I then tied his legs apart so there was no way he could move. Then I grabbed him by the balls.

He let out a cry that made me gald I had gagged him. I let go and begun to spank him. It wasn't too hard, I wanted this to go on for a long time. After a while I decided it was time to move on from using my hand and started with a paddle. His bum was very red after a while and he was wriggling around trying to escape and having no luck. I was enjoying watching this, and then thought of something that would really make him wriggle. Ice.

I got some ice from the freezer and put it in a bowl. I rested the bowl out of the way and then removed a piece of ice and ran it over his bum. He made a strange noise and wriggled around even more. But he was well tied down and not going anywhere! I soon grew tired of this and decided it was time to fuck his arse. In that position it would have been rude not to! I started by slipping on a latex glove and covering my fingers in lube. Then dripping some lube onto him. His head suddenly shot up and another muffled sound escaped his lips. I slid a finger inside him. He moaned around the gag and I continued to finger fuck his arse, eventually using a second finger and then a third. Once I was happy that he was ready to take my strap on I removed my fingers and the glove. I then put on my double ended strap on and fucked him hard until I orgasmed.

I removed the strap on and got in the shower and left him where he was. When I came back soaking wet I untied him and told him to go and clean himself up. He was still hard when he got in the shower. ;)

kink

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Damn Stress

I did not in the end get to go through with any of my plans for Saturday due to me being in a totally wrong headspace due to work problems. If I hit anyone I was going to do a lot of damage to someone. I won't go into what it is I do for work but I am a freelance something and someone has been very controlling of my work lately and causing me to have a great difficulty in getting work elsewhere. As a result I was in a foul mood.

I am now in quite an awkward position money wise until Monday thanks to this person. A matter I am not thrilled with. But I am not here to rant about my work.

So onto what I usually write about here.

I am hoping that we will finally get the chance for a proper play tonight. I just need to de-stress a little bit. I'm hoping that a nice shower and a little relaxing will get me into the right headspace to have some fun. I'm wondering who will be domming. Perhaps it would do my brain some good to be tied up and try and relax rather than just add to what has already become white noise in my brain due to so much that's going on in that twisted little head of mine.

Yes, perhaps it is time that I did a little subbing. Might help clear my head and relax me.