Bad Ideas

I mentioned in an earlier post I mentioned going for a drink with a guy, Litt. I keep mulling it over in my head and can't help but wonder if it is a bad idea. I really don't want a repeat performance of last year, and he reminds me enough of that ex to make me think letting him back into my life could turn this into 2010 all over again, and I only just got through it the first time round! I can either cancel or give him a chance, it's been a while, and it's not fair to assume that he's gong to come on to me, and if he does all I have to do is walk out.

Fyn still hasn't told his parents that I'm living with him. Bad huh? I know that his Mum doesn't really like me, but it's really about time he told them. As it stands I have to make it look like I don't live there every time they come over. Which is why I am spending tonight with my mum and not going home. Doesn't feel much like a home when I have to do things like that. Reminds me of my ex again, I feel like I'm just some dirty little secret.

Spirit

Going Away

Well I'm off to my family's tomorrow for Christmas, so I guess this will be my last post until maybe new year, maybe I'll manage to post something just before then.

It's been quite a year for me, a lot has happened, I met Fyn six months ago and one whirlwind romance and an engagement later I am living in a whole other part of London. But before that was those months of being single, managing to sleep with three different people in the space of a week, Discovering that I am a lot stronger both mentally and physically than I ever believed myself to be. And most importantly of all, that I did need to quit drinking, and I actually did!

I've met a lot of amazing people, and said goodbye to a few as well. I've suffered time wasters, weird and wankey stalker type people. Yes it has definately been an eventful year, hopefully this one will be too, but this time for all the right reasons. My new years resolution (I've actually kept them in the past, so why not try and do it again) is to start saving for this wedding. Although we probably might want to look for an engagement ring first!

There shall be more kinky stories and adventures from me very soon!

Well I think that's it from me, except to say merry christmas, yule or whatever it is you celebrate and a happy new year. I hope you all have a wonderful 2011!

Spirit

The Past Comes Back

So in my window shopping yesterday I saw a couple of familiar faces. One of them was someone who looked after me a long time ago when I was in a really bad head space, but then he confessed he wanted more and I didn't want a relationship at the time. About two months later I met Fyn. He also would have wanted me to make a few physical changes, and I was not ok with making them. Anyway we hadn't spoken since then, until yesterday. He sent me a message saying hi, and that he was glad I had met someone. So we're having a drink in the new year and catching up. Usually when someone from my past comes back I end up wanting to run a million miles an hour in tight shoes to get away from it. but I'm looking forward to seeing him. Now I've said that I have a horrible feeling that this is a bad idea.

Window Shopping

But not as we know it!

I usually spend my weekend mornings alone while Fyn catches up on sleep. He should be getting up pretty soon. So I spend my mornings watching trash TV listening to music, and this morning I was on one or two bDSM sites. I'm not looking for anyone to play with right now, but I found myself looking at who out there is. Turns out that one of my ex's in now seeing someone. Would be the one I can't stand. I mentioned him in a previous blog a long time ago. And all my awesome, lovely ex's are single. And I must say, I am very glad that I have Fyn as there is no one out there who even remotely grabbed my attention.

Guess I love that man more than even I realised!

On Subbing

So I have gone from being the Mistress to being the sub again. I should be happy right? After all I was feeling the urge to sub again. But while I'm not unhappy about it, I'm not exactly happy either. I am all too stubborn and headstrong for my own good, and as a result subbing has never sat easy with me. But at the same time, domming has never sat particularly easily with me either. Last night I fucked someone in my dream, and it was amazing, yet it was also totally vanilla. But if I have a vanilla relationship I grow bored and miss the kink in no time at all.

I guess with me it is all or nothing. If I am going to subI have to go the whole nine yeards and have the 24/7 relationship. Yet I have not found someone who could give me that. And when I did many years ago now, I ended up domming him too. Then it was like the spell was broken and we could never go back to the way we were. Fyn is not a 24/7 type person, and I'd never ask him to be. You can't make someone into something they are not. Many people have tried to do that with me. Like those people that dated me and wanted to change so many things about my physical apperance. You knew what I looked like when we met.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Spirit

Another Day And Fantasies

Fyn is asleep in bed still, I gave him a wank and he fell asleep again, so I have got up, made myself a coffee and am watching another old comedy. Much like I do every Saturday morning. Both of us have been working late most of this week. But I didn't have any jobs the end of the week so I caught up on my sleep.

As we aren't spending Christmas together (I'm off to my family's and he's off to his) so we're exchanging pressies tomorrow. I got him a flogger and some books. He's going out today for my pressie. If he ever actually gets out of bed.

Anyway, I believe it was Jo Brand that once said "A man fantasises about someone else, a woman fantasises about anyone else." And I must confess I have been, but then I don't think I have ever fantasised about a partner. If I have I don't remember. My latest one is acharacter from a TV programme. I know it's perfectly normal and I don't feel guilty. So hopefully it'll be a quiet night in with Fyn and we can finally have a play and a fuck. It has been a long while.

She's Back!

Well, it's been a while, I've had a lot going on with work, and other such stresses. Fyn is no longer my sub, he has gone back to being my dom. He decided that he preffered only subbing occationally and going back to domming me. But I am allowed to have a girly sub of my own, as long as he can either watch or join in. Personlly I'd rather he watched as if he joins in she kind of stops being my sub. I think part of him just wants a threesome.

Well once I have a story to tell, I shall tell it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Spirit xxx

Meep

So I'm slowly turning into my mum (been watching all those crime shows she loves) had work (never fun) and I'm now having subbie like dreams of being fucked in the arse.

I  really need to do something about this needing to sub thing!

Another Last Night Story

So last night I kept bringing Fyn to the brink of orgasm and then stopping. It went on for a while. It was a lot of fun for me. In the end I let him cum. I must be getting soft in my old age!

Quick Update

Well I've got a lot of work this week, so I don't know how much I'll be around. We're all back to good health and eventually need to get off our butts and do constructive/destructive things with the day.

Tonight

I'm feeling a bit rough tonight, caught Fyn's stomach bug. (Damn him!) So in a little while I shall be tying him up in some creative way so that he isn't going anywhere and forcing him to watch some porn. Just cause my stomach bug means I can't do very much else. I'll let you know how it goes later!

The Weekend

Well we're both up and back on our feet after an attack of the germs. So what's the plan for the weekend? I've got no cash until the start of the week so we'll be keeping it really cheap. I would like to have a quiet night in and have some play time with Fyn, but the thing is I really want to sub, I just don't want to sub to him. I want to be grabbed by the hair and have my holes used. I want to have my arse stretched and fucked. I want to be tied up and covered in cum. But there's no person I want to do that to me. For some reason, much as I love him I just can't sub to him. Every time I dom a partner I just can't sub to them afterwards. I wish I could, and a huge part of me wants to. But I just can't bring myself to.

The thing is much as I want to sub I really want to tie him down and torture his balls, his nipples and force him to watch me fuck his arse with my fingers. (I love the mirrors in our bedroom!) I also really want to give him a spanking. I haven't given him a proper spanking in a while.He makes the sexiest noises when I spank him, and he can take a hell of a lot more than he realises.

But why oh why is there no one out there to use me like a whore?

Ramblings

As I sit here with a mug of coffee, and a beautiful day outside I wonder what I shall do with the weekend. Fyn and I are rather poor until next week when I have a few jobs and can afford to leave the flat. It's also been a house of germs lately (tsk, damn time of year) so for once we don't have much in the way of plans to be honest. I have to beg my mum for some cash until later in the week, which I hate as I haven't had to do that in a long time.

But I shan't bore you with my personal life.

I really want to lock him in chastity but he's freaking out about it a bit, so I'll have to drop it for a while. (Shame.) I was actually really good to him last night, he was very stressed due to something going a bit bleh at his job. In fact he was ready to kill someone. So to try and help him chill out a bit I let him have an orgasm. It put a smile on his place right up to the moment I told him he had to swallow his cum afterwards. Apparently he is not a fan of it. Hopefully we'll get to play again tonight or maybe tomorrow night.

Getting out of trouble

Now for those that follow my mental bimblings you'll know that Fyn is under orgasm ban. He is now getting unbareable even for me. With the whinging, sulking and stropping I am going slowly mad. Not that he knows the full extent to my madness of it all. But I have told him if he behaves until 11pm tomorrow he can have a wank, maybe even an orgasm.

It can't be long now until he does something he shouldn't. He's also freaking out as I am looking at chastity devices. I'm going to have so much fun this next couple twenty four hours! In fact, if I feel (if I am being mean enough) he has just misbehaved and he'll have to wait until December now. Unless of course he can really make it up to me. So far not good.

Ex's - A Lower Form of Life?

Recently I've had ex's crewl out of the woodwork. One has tried adding me as a friend on facebook. Apparently in his head it is perfectly alright to dump a woman, then go wombat crazy sending nasty emails and texts. I had a really hard time with that. The relationship went downhill we both wanted different things. In two years it didn't move on and when we finally split and I started seeing someone new he went mental. But now apparently he wants to be friends. Does he not remember any of our history, or is it all through those rose tinted (or possibly in this case totally blacked out) he remembers a happy relationship?

Then there is He-Who-Does-Not-Deserve-To-Be Named. Or the Wanker for short. He broke my heart and made me homeless. Now we are both London dwellers and both on the scene, yet suddenly he keeps going to events that I might just want to go to. Now it's not that seeing him upsets me. I am over him and went to see him a couple of months ago when he found some of my stuff. But we had a chat and he tried to make out that my happiness, was all down to him. He drove me to deppresion, and then when he couldn't cope with my problems kicked me out with no where to go. When I saw him last I was in a great place, happy and with my life more or less sorted. That was all my bloody hard work, a few absolutely amazing people and most of all, Fyn. (Even if there are times I could use his nuts as a stress ball.) It just made me so mad that he tried to validate all he did, and try and be some kind of... of I don't know but I am getting angry just thinking about it.

I have some amazing ex's who I still love to sit down and have a natter and a drink with. Why can't they pop up in my life more often? Genuine friends who sometimes I really miss. Why just these toss-pots?

I guess that's the problem with kinky relationships so often, the BDSM world is a total goldfish bowl and sometimes that's just one of the things you have to live with. Or admit you need to bow out for a while until the boiling venom has cooled a little. I don't think it ever will with Wanker, he left me homeless and vulnerable. I can never forgive someone that could do that to another human being.

Well rant over

Love and stuff

Spirit

Tsk

Looks like the next week is going to be a very tight one. I just had a last minute work cancellation, Fyn is home with germs, and I'm generally just a bit fed up. When he's not working he's playing that bloody video game of his. (Yes I know I brought it for him but I didn't expect it to take over his life.) So we now have the internet at home (yay) and I will be posting more frequently, when he is not around. Although having said that I recon I could walk in with a condom on my head and he wouldn't notice such as things are in the Spriit/Fyn household these days.

He is being better behaved since his orgasm ban I must admit. I just wish he'd pay me a little more attention. Maybe if I stick a rocket up his bum. Ah well. If I were in better health I'd probably do something about it.

Yours in sickness and a distinct lack of health

Spirit

Going Out

Fyn has decided that he actually wants to go to a fetish club. So now I have two weeks to buy/steal/make/make magically appear an outfit for the fussy git. I was lucky it was almost one week. But when you are on a crazy tight budget with a fussy little pain in the arse what do you get a bloke to wear for a fetish club?

The dress code did say goth so I think he's going to have to dress as a goth for the night. I don'tthink any of our friend's are his size so I can't borrow anything. He also wants something that is going to cover him up. He has turned his nose up at the idea of me making him some bondage trousers. I oubt I could afford PVC ones for him, and if I could I doubt he'd like them. So please for the love of my sanity. What the fuck do I do? Aside from possibly not go. Which I wouldn't mind.

The Weekend

It's not been great for us lately. Fyn is freaking out and so am I with this whole living together thing. We had rented a car for the weekend and as I was really down and miserable after a guy I did some work with started behaving like what can only be described as a total cunt we decided to go for a drive. It managed to do us a lot of good. We ended up talking about ex's and then kinky stuff. The kinky talk went on for most of the journey. Although he got a bit weird when he realised how much more experince I have than him when it comes to kink.

Anyway, when we got home it was gone midnight. We had a hot drink, put the heating on and I asked him if he wanted to play. And he did.

Once the flat had warmed up a bit I took him upstairs and told him to strip While he stripped I tightened my strap on around my hips. I tied him to the bed naked in the doggy position and blindfolded him. Then I slipped a glove on and lubed up his arse. I slid a finger in and started to fuck him with a finger, then two and finally three. Soon after I started fucking him with the strap on instead. I could hear that he was loving it. The strap on was rubbing against my clit and I orgasmed. A little while after that I untied him but didn't take the blindfold off. I then flipped him over and re-tied his wrists to the bed. Then I fucked him. He asked to cum and I climbed off. He was still hard when I untied him and removed the blind fold. He then asked again if he could cum. I figured I shouldn't be mean as he had just driven for several hours. So I let him have a wank and cum.

The next day he had to wear pink lacey underwear. He kept complaining that it kept riding up his backside. Which made me giggle. He was cheeky all day and so far trying to beat it out of him hasn't worked. So I have given him an orgasm ban. It's going to be a hell of a long time I do know that, especially after the comment of. "You always say you're going to get me back for the comments but you never really do anything." Despite the number of times I've beaten his backside. So now I'm going down another path. I'm sure he'll be allowed an orgasm by... I don't know. Maybe, December some time? That'll teach the little bugger.

Planning ahead

as I sit here with my coffee and biscuits I am pondering a few things Fyn told me the other night in bed. He wants to be fucked with my strap on, wear my underwear, and he wants to be tied up/down but not side to side or back in time (funny he was never much of a bondage fan when the shoe was on the other foot). Oh and last night he wanted to be humiliated. Does any one else get the feeling I may just have landed myself a bit of a sissy?

So this leave me in an interesting position. One I have never been one for dishing out humiliation, but I've always been a lover of taking it. Two we only have one piece of rope as due to ex's moving house and everything else of the past twelve months I've lost all of mine. Please excuse me as I have a breif grumble to myself. And finally three, I am tiny a size 8 in fact. He is not going to fit in my underwear without stretching it a bit. And I hardly have any underwear either while we're on grumbling.

So once I have done my waiting in for stuffs, I am going to be taking a shopping trip to buy some rope, underwear, and try and come up with some ways of humiliating him. Hell, at least I have a strap on! So the plan is no sex (cause he won't when I'm on a period, it's a bitch but I respect his limits), strip him in the hall, drag him naked upstairs tie him down so he is stuck kneeling in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom, make him watch himself sucking my strap on, only problem being I have to untie him to re-tie him to the bed. Ok scratch that, let's start again.

Tie his ankles to the bed and wrists behind his back, thank the landlord that we have mirrors for doors on the wardrobe that are the length of the room so he can still watch himself sucking me off while tied to the bed. Untie the wrists and then retie them to the bed. Or leave him as is so I can get up give him a quick beating, and then fuck his arse with said strap on. Possibly leaving him tied up for a little while afterwards so he doesn't know if I'm going to do anything else. Then just see how my mood takes me.

The underwear is going to wait as a surprise for the weekend. He'll be wearing it out under his normal clothes, after all I can't give him everything he wants in one night now, can I?

Subspace

Maybe it's me, but I never seem to be able to reach that magical place. Sometimes I think I'm close, but it just doesn't happen. It's like being told Narnia's just behind that door and when you open it all you get is a twat in a lion suit jump out. I've been with many very experinced doms and they have never gotten me there. I don't try because the harder I try I know it is never going to happen. And I know, I know, just try and switch your mind off and go with what's happening. If only I could even lower the volume on my mind, let alone turn it off!

So, I put it to you dear submissive readers. Have you never been able to reach subspace, or do you find it difficult? And lastly do you perhaps have any advice? As I am refusing to believe that it is just me. Not that I can see me subbing for a while as Fyn has a few submissive fantasies that he wants to breathe some life into, and I should be thinking about getting him into subspace. I get a feeling that won't be easy as he is much like me, his mind doesn't stop (only I'm sure he's much more badly behaved than I am!) but I am a good top (or at least I try to be) so I am going to find a way of doing it. It's early days and he's still finding his feet really. But we'll get there.

Want Want Want

I've been a good girl this year. (Well more or less.) So can I please please pretty please have this corset?

And maybe a whole new fetish wardrobe? I don't have enough leather and it is making me sad. I am also very aware that Christmas is just around the corner and I have to spend my money on pressies for my family and for Fyn. I am yet to make my mind up on what to get him. He's asked me what I want and I have no idea. Meh, I'm sure I can think of something.

Rough Sex

I am the first to put my hand up (both in fact, waving while squealing like a little bitch) and say I like rough sex. For me there is no other kind. (Aside from kinky, up the ass, mouth... ok maybe there is a couple of other kinds!) But anyway for me I don't see the point in gentle sex, I need it hard, rough and possibly bruise forming.

The only thing is if Fyn is that hard he'd probably kill me. He's what you'd call big. And when I say big I mean screaming in something that is pleasure but also a hell of a lot of pain. So what do I do about it? I figured that by now he would have stretched my cunt so it might not have hurt so much at least in that direction anyway. But apparently I am built like a rubber band, I just snap back into place afterwards, and I am still the wrong kind of sore.

So what the hell do I do, cause I miss my rough hard sex!

All work and no play

I'm having a few days away and won't be online much. Work will be crazy and I've not been feeling too inspired. I've been thinking maybe it's time to drag Fyn to a club and perhaps try and kick us back into playing more often. A lot of it has been that he hasn't been giving me much of a hint he has wanted to, and with work I've been too tired to initiate anything.

We've both been working too much lately. I think it's time for a trip out.

Tonight

It looks like I won't be havins sex with Fyn for a few days, he has a cold and I have to look after him. Not really my idea of fun. Shall have to get myself a vibrator. I do have one but I've not got a clue where he flipping thing is right now. I hate it when you can't find something you want. I guess it was time to get a new one, my one is a bit noisy which I find a bit off putting. Time to go vibe shopping I guess...

Another Shot

Yet again I had to pass up a chance to play with Fyn as by the time we got home and had dinner it was almost ten o'clock and by that time we were so tired as we both had to be up early the next morning we ended up going to bed. In fact the only reason the washing up got done was because I had to half beat him into it. So I am heading over to the flat once I am done with the days boring stuff, and tonight I will be making dinner for when he gets in (all I'm missing is a martini glass permernantly full of gin and I'd be a fifties house wife!) so we can have a chance at an evening of doing anything fun.

Between my work stresses and the occational personal life stress (bloody ex's there should be a law about them contacting you) I've found it hard to get in the mood to do anything. But anyway I am going to try and change that today. Then I shall have something exciting to put in here next time!

Spirit

The next thing I write

I won't be online much this next rew days, largely due to work. But I was thinking about what I would write next. Of course if I play with Fyn or anything similar then of course I will write about that. And try and go into much more detail than usual. That's if, the people that read this want me to of course. (Dear readers do let me know.) I was wondering if people liked my little stories and if people wanted them to continue. I was thinking of writing about one of my kinks in the future. If anyone is interested.

Spirit

Kicking and Screaming

A Breif Story

He closed the door behind us and I grabbed him by the hair. He had been behaving like a brat all day and I'd finally had enough. I am a reasonable woman but I have my limits. He is my collared slave (even if he can't actually wear the collar all the time) and he should at least attempt to behave as such! I dragged him into our bedroom and bent him over the bed. I told him not to move. He didn't. It was the first time he had behaved all bloody day.

I took his collar out of the cupboard and attached it around his neck, then I cuffed his hands and tied the cuffs on the bed.He was only wearing an old pair of jeans so I left him as he was and fetched a pair of scissors, and cut his jeans off his body and pulled down his boxers. He had begun to apologise and plea with me. I was already bored of this and decided to gag him. I then tied his legs apart so there was no way he could move. Then I grabbed him by the balls.

He let out a cry that made me gald I had gagged him. I let go and begun to spank him. It wasn't too hard, I wanted this to go on for a long time. After a while I decided it was time to move on from using my hand and started with a paddle. His bum was very red after a while and he was wriggling around trying to escape and having no luck. I was enjoying watching this, and then thought of something that would really make him wriggle. Ice.

I got some ice from the freezer and put it in a bowl. I rested the bowl out of the way and then removed a piece of ice and ran it over his bum. He made a strange noise and wriggled around even more. But he was well tied down and not going anywhere! I soon grew tired of this and decided it was time to fuck his arse. In that position it would have been rude not to! I started by slipping on a latex glove and covering my fingers in lube. Then dripping some lube onto him. His head suddenly shot up and another muffled sound escaped his lips. I slid a finger inside him. He moaned around the gag and I continued to finger fuck his arse, eventually using a second finger and then a third. Once I was happy that he was ready to take my strap on I removed my fingers and the glove. I then put on my double ended strap on and fucked him hard until I orgasmed.

I removed the strap on and got in the shower and left him where he was. When I came back soaking wet I untied him and told him to go and clean himself up. He was still hard when he got in the shower. ;)

kink

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Damn Stress

I did not in the end get to go through with any of my plans for Saturday due to me being in a totally wrong headspace due to work problems. If I hit anyone I was going to do a lot of damage to someone. I won't go into what it is I do for work but I am a freelance something and someone has been very controlling of my work lately and causing me to have a great difficulty in getting work elsewhere. As a result I was in a foul mood.

I am now in quite an awkward position money wise until Monday thanks to this person. A matter I am not thrilled with. But I am not here to rant about my work.

So onto what I usually write about here.

I am hoping that we will finally get the chance for a proper play tonight. I just need to de-stress a little bit. I'm hoping that a nice shower and a little relaxing will get me into the right headspace to have some fun. I'm wondering who will be domming. Perhaps it would do my brain some good to be tied up and try and relax rather than just add to what has already become white noise in my brain due to so much that's going on in that twisted little head of mine.

Yes, perhaps it is time that I did a little subbing. Might help clear my head and relax me.

Bad Girl

Had a great night out with a friend of mine. Hmmm, suppose I should give him a name as he'll probably be popping up in these posts in the future. So let's call him Dak.

We went for a few drinks, which we hadn't done in ages. We had a lot of fun catching up and then after a few drinks went back to his to watch DVD's and drink some more. Well, as most people will tell you after three drinks I'm anybodies. And this time the somebody was Dak. After a lot of wrestling (I don't go down without a fight!) eventually we ended up fucking. We had to be careful that he didn't leave any marks on me as Fyn would hit the roof if he found out. Anyway I know I should feel guilty or ashamed of myself, but it's really hard to when Dak is such a good fuck.

Story

I couldn't sleep last night, so I wrote this, and I thought I may as well share it with you.

He has told me to strip and get on my knees, so I am naked on the floor head down waiting for him. He had that look in his eyes that he really wants to hurt me. More than usual. I can already feel myself getting wet waiting for him. Waiting. Waiting. It was driving me mad, like it could go on forever. I don't dare call out to him to hurry up, he'll hurt me more if I do. And I'm already unsure if I'll be able to take what he wants to give me. I want to be able to. I don't want to let him down. I am filling with fear, and that's turning me on more. It's driving me crazy, and I'm really pissed with myself for being so turned on by the fear. I'm stubborn and headstrong, he tells me that all the time. I think tonight he is going to knock some of that stubbornness out of me.

Finally he comes in. I can hear his footsteps, but I don't dare look up. I don't dare move a muscle. If I stay really still maybe he'll forget I'm here. I can feel him behind me. Suddenly his hand has a fistful of my hair pulling my head back and my arse off my knees. He is naked, and his hard cock is right in my face. I think he is going to make me suck him off. But he isn't. He looks down at me, I don't feel brave enough to look him in the face. But it turns out I don't have a choice.

“Look at me you filthy slut.” He spits at me. “You have been running around here getting far too fucking cheeky, and it's about time someone reminded you of your place.”

He lets go of my hair and pushes me away. He walks away from me I can hear his feet on the floor. He gets something from the table, it's a pair of cuffs. He buckles them and locks them onto my wrists which are now trapped behind my back. Then I can hear him pick up something else from the table. It's a ring gag. I try to resist, I hate wearing them, they are uncomfortable and make me drool all over myself. He slaps me across the face. My cheek is burning and I am still in shock. I resist again and he slaps me harder and kicks in the shoulder just hard enough to knock me on my back. He straddles my chest, and my wrists dig into my back hurting me.

“Don't fucking complain, bitch. I tried to do this the easy way, but you had to be fucking stubborn about it. So are you going to behave next time and not fight me. Cause you know I'll win. Stupid slut.”

He gags me and pulls me back up awkwardly by my arm and my hair. He pulls my head back and slides his cock into my mouth. Spit is already starting to drip down my chin, and he starts moving in and out of my mouth faster. I gag and he pulls out. After letting me take a few deep breaths he starts fucking my mouth again, rougher this time, pushing my head down harder each time. My head hurts where he has been pulling on my hair. But he doesn't care, he is getting his pleasure. If this is I I'm getting off lightly.

But this isn't all he has in mind for me. He pulls out and pushes me back to the floor. He has brought a chair into the middle of the room. He pulls me to my feet and throws me down. I look a mess. My hair is all over my face and in places stuck to it, there's spit down my face and tits, and juices dripping down my thighs. He notices this as I stand up.

“You dirty fucking whore. Does it turn you on to be treated like what you are?” I nod, and he shoves me down onto the chair. He unclasps cuffs so my hands fall to my sides. I try to make a run for it. He grabs me harshly by my left tit and a sharp pain shoots through me, and I end up back in the chair and in more trouble than I already was.

He doesn't say anything, just runs a rope through my cuffs and ties me to the chair. Then he ties my ankles. He takes my gag off and strikes me across the face again. He doesn't need to tell me not to try anything like that again. We both know if I could I wouldn't. He has a marker pen in his hand. He writes something on my forehead. I don't know what it is, and I don't think I want to. Then he wipes my chest down and writes something on each tit too. I can feel they are big letters. I know he's going to make me look. But I really don't want to.

He takes photos of me. I can feel the first tears trickling down my face. The bastard! How could he do this to me? He moves a mirror in front of me, and I close my eyes. I can't believe he's doing this to me. He puts clamps on my nipples and I gasp.

“Look in the mirror.” He whispers in my ear. So I look up. I have “Whore” written across my forehead, and “Slut” and “Cunt” across my tits in big black letters. Fresh tears start to run down my face. He grabs the chain and pulls it and places it in my mouth. “Don't you dare drop it.” He says and starts to rub my clit. “You're fucking loving this aren't you? You fucking disgust me you dirty whore.” He keeps rubbing and I know it won't be long until I am cumming all over his fingers. I don't want to, I want to defy him, but what's the use? He'll win. We both know that I can't defy him. That's why I love him. Even if I do hate him right now.

“Please can I cum sir?” I say, my teeth clenched around the chain.

“No.” His fingers gone. And I'm left frustrated.

He unties me and removes the nipple clamps. A fresh wave of pain flushes over my chest. This pain is made worse when he bends me over the chair my tits pushing into the seat and my wrists clipped behind my back again. I can feel cold lube dripping down between my cheeks. Then a gloved finger slides into my tight hole. It glides in and out then soon another finger and another and I am moaning loudly begging for more. He stretches my tight hole so it can take that hard cock. He pushes me to the floor and starts fucking my arse. He starts gets harder and faster and I am begging him not to stop. I finally feel him cum inside me. He climbs off, takes my clips off and leaves me where I am.

“Clean yourself up you're a fucking disgrace. And don't you dare give yourself an orgasm.” He gets up, walks out and leaves me laying on the floor. Still horny but I've learnt my lesson.

What He Doesn't Know...

...Can't hurt him. Right? Well I tell you something, he's sure as hell going to find out! As I said in my last post, I have recently started domming my partner Fyn. And now I have been wracking my brain for what to do with him on Saturday night. All of course based from what he told me he was interested in doing and what he hinted at wanting to do the other night.

Now Fyn got a little skittish last night, only for a minute but skittish none the less. He is not used to these feelings, and it made him rather nervous, he has always believed himself to be dominant. And he's discovering he may just have been rather wrong. So of course, I do not want to push him too hard and freak him out or scaring him off wanting to sub to me, or anyone come to that. I am really enjoying this and it is the first time that I have felt the desire to dominate since a very hard break up with a partner a long time ago. For a woman who never doms I sure as hell have done well this year!

So based on the knowledge I have, I have been planning a scene for Fyn and all he knows is that he is going to sub to me, and that he will finally be allowed to orgasm, but I'll be getting on to that in a bit. Now what he does not know is that I will be bringing my strap on. With of course a couple of different sized dildos to fit into it. I'm still not totally sure if I will use it on him yet, but I do know something is going up there! He knows I own a strap on so it won't come as too much of a shock when I pull it out of my bag. But the plan is to start with a finger and go from there. If he wants to try the starp on he can ask.

He will also be getting his first beating from me. I'll be keeping my whips at home. But he was very bloody cheeky on the phone to me last night. He called me on his way home from work and kept telling me he was going to have a wank when he got home and there was nothing I could do about it. The sooner I lock that cheeky little bugger in chastity the better! He knows he'll be punished if he does. But I don't think that he's that bad.But back to he beating, I'll probably just use my hand, maybe that lovely hairbrush of mine, perhaps a paddle.

And of course I have to get my kicks, so before he gets that orgasm he wants so bad I'm going to have to get one (or maybe two!) myself. Good thing Fyn is talented with his fingers really. Although I have been thinking that if I end up becoming the dominant partner in this relationship I'll have to get one of those dildo gags. Cause I'd love to see him tied up and having to fuck me with one of those!

Now the only thing left to ask myself is what to wear? Latex maybe? I'm not a huge fan if I'm honest and for me it is just a touch too delicate. Leather would be perfect but I really need to work on my collection of leather clothes. So PVC it is then! But then I am somewhat spoilt for choice on what to wear. I have some lovely dresses, and a skirt or two, but a bit lacking in the top department. Perhaps it is time to treaat myself to soemthing new. We shall just have to see what's in the shops later today!

Last Night

I had not much been feeling myself of late. My pain tollerance has dissapeared which is ever so slightly really bloody annoying! My sex drive was thrown due to going on the implant which I have had removed and am back to being a borderline nympho now I am on the pill again. I had hoped with the return of my sex drive my ability to take pain would return. Unfortunately it has yet to return.

My fiancee who from here on out will be known as Fyn is a dom and a sadistic one at that. However he has not been able to hurt me as i've not been able to take anything at all. Shame really as I have missed it a hell of a lot. I think he's been happy that I have been able to go back to drenching the sheets every time I get remotely horny. But anyway, after a little fooling around he had decided that he at least wanted a hand job. I grabbed him by his hard and rather big cock and slapped it off of his stomach. It made a beautiful slapping sound, and from the equally beautiful sound from his lips it hurt as much as I had hopped it might. Usually that would have just gotten me into trouble but I managed to do it a couple of times more to him, each time that beautiful small yelp of pain escaping from his lips.

"That fucking hurts!" He tried to keep fairly quiet with his flatmate upstairs.
"But admit it, you like it. You can't exactly deny it."

He agreed that he liked it, and I grabbed him gently but firmly by the balls. He made a noise that was somewhere between pleasure and pain. I started to gently wank him off. I pinched his nipples and occationally squeezed his balls and slapped him across the head of his penis. I started to wank him harder, and then he made a cheeky comment. Well I might not have been able to spank him but I was sure as hell going to do something about it. I told him to go and get the clamps. We have two sets at his place, his tweezer shapped ones that are on a chain, and my evil (and favourites) clovers, also on chain. He came back with his, which are much more gentle, but failed to bring mine. Now most would have brought both if they had any sense, or have asked which clamps. But Fyn hasn't subbed in a fair few years. So I suppose it's an easy mistake to make.

I could tell he had done it on perpouse from the sheepish look on his face. I was not impressed. I told him to get the other set. he came back and I made him lay back on the bed. I attached his clamps to his nipples, and twisted them with the chain on mine and set those ones on his balls. Where the two chains met I pulled up and continued to wank him off. Then, as always seems to happen with his set of clamps one pinged off of his nipple. I decided I had better keep this symmetrical and pulled the clamp from the other nipple. Which really took no effort at all. I then massaged his nipples bringing a new eave of pain that he seemed to rather enjoy. Then I gently removed the clovers.

He actually thought it would be a good idea to be cheeky to me again. So I repeated my previous action with the pegs. But this time when I took the clamps off I put a cold drinks can against his skin where the clamps had once been.

I then continued to wank him off and then not long later he asked me if he could orgasm. I was impressed, I hadn't planned on reminding him to ask permission as I was hoping to have a reason to punish him. I allowed him to and he orgasmed. We curled up nd cuddled, and talked about what had just happend.

He does not want anybody to know that he has gone all sub on me. But he does want to explore this side of himself further. I had a catalogue from Honour on me and we looked through that together. In there was the metal chastity cage that I have at home. So next on the list of things to try is chastity. He has been banned from orgasms until I see him again on Saturday night. If he does then he will be in his new place with no flatmates and I can punish him properly! Then once we have played together he's going in the cage! I can't wait.

Well I think that's enough shared for my first post!

Love, light and sexual bliss

Spirit xxx